Strange it may sound, but sometime extreme situations in life can have unpredictable effects. You might get numb to adversities or might start drawing strength from them. Though, it’s not a matter of choice most of the time as our situation driven thoughts prevalently mold our state of mind. However, sometime our soul takes the call too, and not based on any kind of impression or random thought, but on pure instinct and the tiny positive light within us.
There were thoughts and experiences, I wanted to capture in ‘meaningful and explicit ways’ (read words) since last few weeks. But my inner conflict and nonchalant mind were incapable of holding onto indifferent thoughts. Not that I was awestruck by this state of mind, but didn’t realized it until I reached its extreme. But then, like stock market, there is a self recovery mode for human soul as well; for me, it luckily was. While I might not able to do justice with the promise I did to myself in this post, I think an attempt sounds better than trying.Thus here I am, moving inches towards the effort due on me.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
phir kya hoga uske baad
Life’s rat race can really leave you wondering about the very purpose of it. One evening, sharing the same sentiments, a close friend and I went for an evening walk to get some fresh air. That’s our boy way of getting relived from a mounting tension or a bad day. In due course of our long chat we both became a little philosophical about the life. Various stages of life or whatever we have done or doing or will be doing and the very purpose behind it. It seemed that we are betraying ourselves with the way we have chosen our directions in life. We realize that our passion is different from our bread and butter, but may be what we curse liabilities or responsibilities for, could have been lack of choices in early stages.
However, monthly package and luxurious life could be an illusion initially, but you can’t keep bribing your soul forever. Sooner or later it just takes few emotionally weak moments to make you realize that what you are doing with your life. Was this you always wanted for yourself? Or does whatever you do makes you happy? Or where does this all ends? It not only about work, but also about fulfilling expectation and obligations throughout our lives. What makes mind volatile is the fact that we don’t even know where it ends? On the same note my friend recalled a Kavita (Hindi poem) we have read in our school days. We couldn’t recall the exact lines but we knew it was very relevant to our situation in life today. I made it a point to search the same old poem. Sharing the same poem in next few lines, which was beautifully written by Balkrishna Rao. In this poem, an anxious boy is asking his mom about life and what it holds for him.
Utsuk ho kar shishu ne puchha,
'Maa, kya hoga uske baad ?'
Ravi se ujjval, shashi se sundar,
nav-kislay dal se komaltar
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad
Pal bhar mukh par smiti rekha
khel gayi phir maa ne dekha
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad
Phir nabh se nakshatra manohar
swarg lok se utar utar kar
tere shishu banne ko mere
ghar aayenge uske baad
Mere naye khiloune lekar
chale na jaayein ve apne ghar
chintit ho kar uthha, kintu phir
puchha shishu ne uske baad ?
Ab maa ka jee oob chuka thha
harsh shranti mein doob chuka thha
boli phir mai boodhi ho kar
mar jaoongi uske baad
Ye sun kar bhar aaye lochan
kintu ponchh kar unhein usi kshan
sahaj kautuhal se phir shishu ne puchha,
maa kya hoga uske baad
Kavi ko balak ne sikhlaya
sukh dukh hai pal bhar ki maya
hai anant tatwa ka prashna ye
phir kya hoga uske baad?
'Maa, kya hoga uske baad ?'
Ravi se ujjval, shashi se sundar,
nav-kislay dal se komaltar
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad
Pal bhar mukh par smiti rekha
khel gayi phir maa ne dekha
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad
Phir nabh se nakshatra manohar
swarg lok se utar utar kar
tere shishu banne ko mere
ghar aayenge uske baad
Mere naye khiloune lekar
chale na jaayein ve apne ghar
chintit ho kar uthha, kintu phir
puchha shishu ne uske baad ?
Ab maa ka jee oob chuka thha
harsh shranti mein doob chuka thha
boli phir mai boodhi ho kar
mar jaoongi uske baad
Ye sun kar bhar aaye lochan
kintu ponchh kar unhein usi kshan
sahaj kautuhal se phir shishu ne puchha,
maa kya hoga uske baad
Kavi ko balak ne sikhlaya
sukh dukh hai pal bhar ki maya
hai anant tatwa ka prashna ye
phir kya hoga uske baad?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
One lost soul
I didn’t have any respite yet; as I walked back to my flat, feeling a potential explosion inside. It was already dark when I left my room for a walk; to get away from my gloomy state I was in that Sunday evening; and in the hope that fresh air might do the trick.
I walked towards the main street with a heavy heart and glum face, hoping that a few more step could help me regain my composure. It was one of those moments when my mind was a silent spectator as I could sense that I absolutely had no thoughts whatsoever. Though, my heart was in a capricious state. While the subconscious me kept walking down the main street, I came to senses by a near miss accident as I was about to be run over by two parallel running cars. For safety, I came off the main street and tried to gather my thoughts.
In next few minutes my mind started functioning and I could make out few reasons for this hibernation i.e. what my status was. I realized that a tensed mind is a far better situation then a lost soul. I knew that I was manipulating human behaviors; anger, frustration and loneliness- yes, these are mounting inside me by every passing day. I couldn’t throw them out, neither could I share. And most of the time it seemed inappropriate or immature to pour this depression to someone else. On top of this, belonging to youth fraternity has its own disadvantage. Self- centered, impatience and materialistic nature - these comes as by product. So by this context I had to suppress my desire and interest too, under the bricks of expectations, responsibility and sacrifice.
Though I was reluctant to listen to this inner selfish me, but somewhere deep down I had sympathy with it too. I was having so much in my heart to say, but nothing but a silence in return. And silence as I have learned to live with; I admit, is a lost companion itself. It just helps in keeping you isolated when you are a depressed soul and an agitated mind. Silence is no remedy. And to me, it is nothing but a speed breaker or a comma which keeps a talk or exchange of words in suspending state. It helps avoiding conflicts but does even worse; it makes one pretend that nothing happened and tries to put a lid on one’s volcanic state of mind. People might say It’s a better then “practically no communication” but what we don’t know is that the silence slowly starts growing inside us and sometime gets bigger than us and our relationships.
Rest …...later…….as I am still learning to live with it, in the hope to fight and win over it.
I walked towards the main street with a heavy heart and glum face, hoping that a few more step could help me regain my composure. It was one of those moments when my mind was a silent spectator as I could sense that I absolutely had no thoughts whatsoever. Though, my heart was in a capricious state. While the subconscious me kept walking down the main street, I came to senses by a near miss accident as I was about to be run over by two parallel running cars. For safety, I came off the main street and tried to gather my thoughts.
In next few minutes my mind started functioning and I could make out few reasons for this hibernation i.e. what my status was. I realized that a tensed mind is a far better situation then a lost soul. I knew that I was manipulating human behaviors; anger, frustration and loneliness- yes, these are mounting inside me by every passing day. I couldn’t throw them out, neither could I share. And most of the time it seemed inappropriate or immature to pour this depression to someone else. On top of this, belonging to youth fraternity has its own disadvantage. Self- centered, impatience and materialistic nature - these comes as by product. So by this context I had to suppress my desire and interest too, under the bricks of expectations, responsibility and sacrifice.
Though I was reluctant to listen to this inner selfish me, but somewhere deep down I had sympathy with it too. I was having so much in my heart to say, but nothing but a silence in return. And silence as I have learned to live with; I admit, is a lost companion itself. It just helps in keeping you isolated when you are a depressed soul and an agitated mind. Silence is no remedy. And to me, it is nothing but a speed breaker or a comma which keeps a talk or exchange of words in suspending state. It helps avoiding conflicts but does even worse; it makes one pretend that nothing happened and tries to put a lid on one’s volcanic state of mind. People might say It’s a better then “practically no communication” but what we don’t know is that the silence slowly starts growing inside us and sometime gets bigger than us and our relationships.
Rest …...later…….as I am still learning to live with it, in the hope to fight and win over it.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Farewell
I woke up today and sensed mixed feelings hovering around me. As I switch gears in my professional life today, waves of nostalgia stirred and then engulfed my mind for few minutes and I lost deep in thoughts. Thoughts - about the place, the people and the time spent together.
I sat down to write my good bye mail to colleagues and in due course realized that every good thing should end to make the experience a memorable one. One should must move on to newer and greater thing in life. And even though no matter how much we resist the change, it’s the only constant thing in life. With these feelings my thought became subtle as I could realize.
To meet n depart is d way of life. But to depart n meet is d hope of life. We meet to create memories, but we depart to preserve it.
And to all such minds who share the same sentiments, here are the words of wisdom:
A farewell is necessary before we meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.
Cheers!
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Birthday wishes !
Like million stars in the sky
I wish the stars in your twinkling eyes be always shining.
Those pictures of you, which speak thousand words
and capture the most dramatic yet cutest expression of yours,
Will remind you of the mischief you used to do, when you turn 60.
And might pause you for a moment to go deep down the memory lane
to make you feel - you are still the same person.
A person whom I have adored since the day I knew
and luckily got a chance to be friend with.
To those dimpled smiles and endless giggles that made you look cuter
To that act of twisting your tongue out
To that sweet voice in which you whisper just after waking up
To all that attitude you shown me at times
To those cute little acts on which I melted like a butter
and to many of those things which I can’t simply describe in words...Cheers!
And here is wishing a very happy Birthday to my favorite star.
Happy Birthday Dear !!!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
TAX tips.. exempt on HRA
Being an IT guy I never really had to know the nuances of finance. But being part of the a modern bachelor community has its own disadvantages.Such as, not knowing how much tax you are paying and how much you can actually get a tax exempt on. This post is an attempt to provide information on managing your financial liabilities better. In next few lines you would know how much of your annual HRA, you can get tax exempt on.
According to the Income Tax Act, the amount of HRA exempt is the least of:
· The actual HRA received during the time an accommodation is rented.
· The amount by which rent expenditure exceeds 1/10 of the total salary amount during same period. So if this amount is let say x , then x=( rent expenditure – 1/10 of total salary ) during same period.
· 40% of the total salary during relevant period.
Here is an example.
Let say a person gets a total salary of 4 lakhs in which 2 lakhs is basic and 1.5 lakhs is HRA. He pays an annual rent of 1.2 lakhs and stays in rented accommodation throughout the year.
In this case, the amount of HRA exempt would be calculated as least of:
· Actual HRA received i.e. 1.5 laks
· x = 1.2 lakhs - (1/10) X 4 lakhs =80,000
· 40% of 4 lakhs =1.6 lakhs
As the least of above is 80,000 only this amount will be exempt from tax. The remaining 70,000 of HRA will be subjected to tax. Hope this helps.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Bihar ...changing fate.
It was one of those rare occasions when I watch news channels with both patience and interest. Bihar’s CM Nitish Kumar was chosen for ET leadership award for his effort towards the development of the state since he took over CM’s position. The news showed how the state which lived in darkness since ages, is on the fast track of growth from last 4 years.Today Bihar reports an amazing GDP growth rate of 11%, second only to Gujarat. The state's consistent economy since 2004 has all the indication that Bihar is on the right track.
Two days later I saw a full page special report in a national daily newspaper highlighting Bihar’s success story. The report presented few great facts and figures about the emerging Bihar. Infrastructure growth with a never before pace and effective crime control are among such achievements.
Didn’t know but it was a happy moment for me too. Not that I have equally contributed to this success but for a simple reason that somewhere at the bottom of my heart I felt proud to be a Bihari (a term used to describe a person from Bihar).
It may sound strange for a person having his roots in Bihar and upbringing in a typical Bihari family to say something like “Didn’t know”, but year’s long separation and the image the state portrays outside really never excites the prospects of associating oneself to state, who leaves it for better education or living. There are few who never leave the sense of belongingness, few can’t leave it ever even if they want, and then there are few who get compliments from colleagues and friends for not having a Bihari accent: “You are from Bihar? But you don’t sounds like one.”
My point is, may be all this bad name Bihar had earned in several years and the shame a few people might feel in telling which state they belong to, the face of Bihar is changing. It still has issues like poverty, health service, population density, floods but atleast its on right path and the signs are promising.
Bihar’s success story is indeed a reason to rejoice- as for a state that has lived long under the image of corruption, violence, poverty and backward growth; seeing it progressing at a rapid rate and getting its dues is satisfying feeling.
Two days later I saw a full page special report in a national daily newspaper highlighting Bihar’s success story. The report presented few great facts and figures about the emerging Bihar. Infrastructure growth with a never before pace and effective crime control are among such achievements.
Didn’t know but it was a happy moment for me too. Not that I have equally contributed to this success but for a simple reason that somewhere at the bottom of my heart I felt proud to be a Bihari (a term used to describe a person from Bihar).
It may sound strange for a person having his roots in Bihar and upbringing in a typical Bihari family to say something like “Didn’t know”, but year’s long separation and the image the state portrays outside really never excites the prospects of associating oneself to state, who leaves it for better education or living. There are few who never leave the sense of belongingness, few can’t leave it ever even if they want, and then there are few who get compliments from colleagues and friends for not having a Bihari accent: “You are from Bihar? But you don’t sounds like one.”
My point is, may be all this bad name Bihar had earned in several years and the shame a few people might feel in telling which state they belong to, the face of Bihar is changing. It still has issues like poverty, health service, population density, floods but atleast its on right path and the signs are promising.
Bihar’s success story is indeed a reason to rejoice- as for a state that has lived long under the image of corruption, violence, poverty and backward growth; seeing it progressing at a rapid rate and getting its dues is satisfying feeling.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Chalte chalte
Life gives us so many moments to laugh….. sometimes on ourselves, sometimes on friends, and at times people we don’t even know. Sharing one such incident happened recently.
Two weeks back, my friend and I went to a liquor shop on Saturday evening to pick some beer. This shop is on the busiest road in my area and is generally very crowded on weekends. The shop has a fashion college in close proximity and is quite natural to find the students hanging out on this road or buying liquor from this shop. So as we reached the shop looking at the huge crowd I choose to wait outside- on bike as I was driving - and asked my friend to bring beer. When returned, he was all smiling shamelessly. I followed suit when I got to know what just happened inside the shop. In his words,
There was so much of rush that he couldn’t reach till counter to place his order. Before him in the queue, there were two pretty girls, mostly from the same fashion college, mulling over wine bottles of different brands. They seemed confused on what to pick. To us seeing girls picking liquor is quite common site but these two just couldn’t decide what they wanted. Then one of them called her boyfriend to seek help about the brand selection. She probably didn’t quite catch the name and handed over the cell to the man at counter and asked “bhaiya, ye cell pe jo maang rahe hai wahi de do hame”. The man took the cell, listened and then returned to the girl with a mischievous smile. He said “wo to kiss maang rahe hai”. With this, all nearby faces turned toward the girl whose face was pink by embarrassment. Though the girls took control of the situation immediately and placed an order, the moment was really hilarious.
We laughed out loud. It was such a funny incident that I couldn’t hold myself to share this. Hope you could imagine what that boyfriend would have got to deal with later.
Two weeks back, my friend and I went to a liquor shop on Saturday evening to pick some beer. This shop is on the busiest road in my area and is generally very crowded on weekends. The shop has a fashion college in close proximity and is quite natural to find the students hanging out on this road or buying liquor from this shop. So as we reached the shop looking at the huge crowd I choose to wait outside- on bike as I was driving - and asked my friend to bring beer. When returned, he was all smiling shamelessly. I followed suit when I got to know what just happened inside the shop. In his words,
There was so much of rush that he couldn’t reach till counter to place his order. Before him in the queue, there were two pretty girls, mostly from the same fashion college, mulling over wine bottles of different brands. They seemed confused on what to pick. To us seeing girls picking liquor is quite common site but these two just couldn’t decide what they wanted. Then one of them called her boyfriend to seek help about the brand selection. She probably didn’t quite catch the name and handed over the cell to the man at counter and asked “bhaiya, ye cell pe jo maang rahe hai wahi de do hame”. The man took the cell, listened and then returned to the girl with a mischievous smile. He said “wo to kiss maang rahe hai”. With this, all nearby faces turned toward the girl whose face was pink by embarrassment. Though the girls took control of the situation immediately and placed an order, the moment was really hilarious.
We laughed out loud. It was such a funny incident that I couldn’t hold myself to share this. Hope you could imagine what that boyfriend would have got to deal with later.
Saturday afternoon and PRICELESS
Saturday afternoon…I am at home, had my lunch quite late, then off to my usual 30 min flip through session of TV channels – just to see what to not watch. That’s right; I am one of those people who pick up remote to never settle on a particular channel unless I am really convinced that something worth is there to hold on to; for few minutes or may be few hours sometimes. Bizarre it may sound, but I am not an anxious freak; it’s just a habit or if you can trust on my intuitive logic- “ It’s a constant desire to find the best channel, or in other words to find THE ONE ”. But that’s not the point I wanted to bring up here. Generally, my hunger for a suitable matinee channel ends 30 minutes post lunch as I obey my sleep goddess and follow her without any conflict after that.
However, today was a little different and I got two good movies to watch one after another. A rare treat you can get from your idiot box when it is occasionally permitted to speak. First one was on HBO, a typical “Bourne” action thriller type movie, which I always enjoy; second one, I stopped by accidentally. Accidentally, because HBO and star movies are two of my resting points on remote and it was on none of them. As I was flipping through channels again- right after the first movie, I find this French channel showing a movie with English subtitle. Oh…btw, I haven’t mentioned that I used to watch a lot of movies in different languages with English subtitles. In-fact some of the Korean movies are all time favorite romantic movies and I know their stories have been copied in our Bollywood movies too.
So, intrigued by my instinct and past experience I stayed on this particular French channel. Nevertheless to say I wasn’t disappointed at the end.
The movie name was PRICELESS (released in 2006). The story was about Irène and Jean and their life changing moments in luxury hotels of France. Irène first meets Jean in a hotel where he works as a bartender. When her white-haired sugar daddy falls asleep in their suite the night of her birthday, she steals down to the bar where Jean is napping and mistakes him for a rich playboy. Jean, once awakened, gets instantly smitten tries to pretend the fake identity; they get drunk together and spend a night in the hotel’s conveniently unoccupied royal suite.
Irene later finds out about Jean's reality and dumps him. Jean follows her to apologize, convinces her a lot but she bankrupts him on a shopping spree to take revenge. Just when Jean was to be handed over to police for not able to clear the bills, a wealthy older widow who eyes him in the hotel lobby earlier, rescues him and keeps him as her lover cum assistant.
Eventually Irène realizes that she and Jean are playing the same game - trading sexual favours for gifts. While Irene does it for living, Jean was forced to do this, because of the circumstances Irene created. Jean manages to stay in same hotel where Irene is staying. Irene sees him. This makes Irene feel happy that Jean too is in the same condition.
While Irene was materialistic by choice, Jean was doing all of it just to have few moments with her, In the hope that one day she will forgive him and would love him. Instead of what turn life has taken after meeting Irene, Jean’s only motive was to see her happy. At last Irene realizes what she wants is a prince by heart, not by wealth. Jean's selfish and pure love wins her over.
Though romantic, it was a bit different from usual Hollywood romantic genre movies. The script was quite unique and bold. Probably, that’s the reason it is rated PG-13. I was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but hanged in for a while and loved it. To sum it up- a romantic movie with effervescence, new and experimental storyline, near real portrayal of the extravagant lifestyles in plush hotels of France and good performances.
However, today was a little different and I got two good movies to watch one after another. A rare treat you can get from your idiot box when it is occasionally permitted to speak. First one was on HBO, a typical “Bourne” action thriller type movie, which I always enjoy; second one, I stopped by accidentally. Accidentally, because HBO and star movies are two of my resting points on remote and it was on none of them. As I was flipping through channels again- right after the first movie, I find this French channel showing a movie with English subtitle. Oh…btw, I haven’t mentioned that I used to watch a lot of movies in different languages with English subtitles. In-fact some of the Korean movies are all time favorite romantic movies and I know their stories have been copied in our Bollywood movies too.
So, intrigued by my instinct and past experience I stayed on this particular French channel. Nevertheless to say I wasn’t disappointed at the end.
The movie name was PRICELESS (released in 2006). The story was about Irène and Jean and their life changing moments in luxury hotels of France. Irène first meets Jean in a hotel where he works as a bartender. When her white-haired sugar daddy falls asleep in their suite the night of her birthday, she steals down to the bar where Jean is napping and mistakes him for a rich playboy. Jean, once awakened, gets instantly smitten tries to pretend the fake identity; they get drunk together and spend a night in the hotel’s conveniently unoccupied royal suite.
Irene later finds out about Jean's reality and dumps him. Jean follows her to apologize, convinces her a lot but she bankrupts him on a shopping spree to take revenge. Just when Jean was to be handed over to police for not able to clear the bills, a wealthy older widow who eyes him in the hotel lobby earlier, rescues him and keeps him as her lover cum assistant.
Eventually Irène realizes that she and Jean are playing the same game - trading sexual favours for gifts. While Irene does it for living, Jean was forced to do this, because of the circumstances Irene created. Jean manages to stay in same hotel where Irene is staying. Irene sees him. This makes Irene feel happy that Jean too is in the same condition.
While Irene was materialistic by choice, Jean was doing all of it just to have few moments with her, In the hope that one day she will forgive him and would love him. Instead of what turn life has taken after meeting Irene, Jean’s only motive was to see her happy. At last Irene realizes what she wants is a prince by heart, not by wealth. Jean's selfish and pure love wins her over.
Though romantic, it was a bit different from usual Hollywood romantic genre movies. The script was quite unique and bold. Probably, that’s the reason it is rated PG-13. I was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but hanged in for a while and loved it. To sum it up- a romantic movie with effervescence, new and experimental storyline, near real portrayal of the extravagant lifestyles in plush hotels of France and good performances.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Nirvana of thoughts
"Nothing good happens after 2 am". This was the theme for an episode of one of my favourite(recent) television show HIMYM(How I met your mother). Where all the events in that particular episode were giving a clear indication that nothing can go right after 2 am and that you should be better off to bed by this time to avoid letting something bad happen to you.
Well … practically it makes sense. Firstly it’s not safe to hangout till late. Secondly, the fear of reaching office late next day, plus it’s against the human biological clock….and lastly, most of the times you end up fighting with your girlfriend. But there is another side of it as well.
Recently I went to Hyderabad to meet one of my friends. I really enjoyed the journey and the stay for the kind of a different experience this trip gave me that I have been thinking of writing a travelogue on it. Weeks passed by, yet I haven’t materialized my plan. A major hindrance has been patience (a rare commodity in our generation) to recollect the memories and jot them down. Then the lack of will - to stay technically alive after 1 am to write something sensible when your body is in sustained denial state. I believe, like every comfort phase of life - this is the time which really takes you in a different world. Try winning the game of fighting with your physical barriers sometime, and you will see what you have explored. And trust me, most of the time we do clear this transition physically when we are watching a late night movie or gossiping with friends etc…but we actually send our intellect into hibernation way before that.
Now on the other side, when you thinking or pondering about something seriously and you reach a stage when you , yourself don’t realize where you have reached, you just tend to leave your preoccupied thoughts and a sudden flow of new thoughts starts crossing over your mind with fast pace.
Now there are no hard and fast rules that these thoughts will be only good but you gotta catch them. They will be pepping in for a few split seconds, knock your very conscious mind and make you run after so many of them. But there is one thing which is quite true…if you could hold on to atleast one of them, and just follow your instinct, you will thank yourself next day for feeding your intellectual self. It would be like nirvana of thoughts where there is no limit of creativity or weirdness. You might not be able to justify it to others but wouldn’t want that either. When you know what you experienced is something can’t be described in word but rather be left to self exploration, you wouldn’t bother explaining it all.
Take for instance, I thought of writing the travelogue today, sat down, but again started worrying about problems I have in life these days. Kept thinking for long and once I traversed past my comfort zone I really saw a lot of positive lights, a lot new ideas, and creative thoughts… weird, strange thoughts. But I am also impressed, more from the fact that it gave me enough patience to write about these weird thoughts, which, I myself, might not have patience to just read in day light…..forget about writing, and that too, when I am fully aware that my aim tonight was to finish my travelogue. But, I would write that just at any other time when I don’t have the luxury of being in a nirvana of thoughts.
Signing off….Amit @ 5:05 am.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Dil, dosti etc.@midnight
After my first interaction with “Quarter life crisis” (read here ), I accidentally read few more articles on it in newspapers. At first, I thought I am being conscious about it but, later came to realization that it’s just the enlightened me who now finds it more realistic and an interesting read.
My intention in this post is not to elaborate my readings on Quarter life crisis, but to share a recent facet I noticed in context with few of its main catalysts and time when they become active .…………read on!
I used to blame emotional instability one of prime reason for Quarter life crisis, which indeed, it still is, but my perception has taken a whole new dimension in light of few real life examples. Above all, I wonder if our emotional quotient increases at midnight or it’s the darkness or emptiness of night which gives us courage to speak our heart out.
“Life is boring without girlfriend/boyfriend”, I heard this monotonic line from a lot of friends (mainly its boys who says this, trust me folks - girls have lot more choices). A majority of them think- having company of an opposite sex in your life is the only way out from depression. I felt this quite convincing and compulsive a reason to start believing until few behavioural examples broadened my thinking and stopped me to jump into any premature conclusions.
First one, a friend calling @ 12 am. She had a huge fight with her boy friend that evening and is upset. You are the one she will call and would like to get listen and get consoled. No one else at this time can fill in for you. Not only when fought, even if she is depressed or not in good mood; you wonder what is it that makes her feels you will have answers for all her worries (and foul cry at times ). You become an emotional pillar on many such instances when she wakes you up at midnight.
Another one, an old friend staying with her girl friend in live-in relationship calls you up @ 2 am and says he is missing you a lot. You equally cherish his friendship and can be nostalgic about good old times, but wait a min – you know he lives in same city and just a call away. So what is this guy really doing at this hour? As you suspected , turned out- the guys is boozing and finds you more appropriate to share his worries and craps till wee hours in the morning.
Take examples of a school friend, who had been into a perfect relationship for long time but got betrayed. He gets emotional at times and calls at night to just talk and share his heart-burn. The same guy will hang-out with you tomorrow, screaming at top of his voice on any party number. Not because he is not the same guy but because his emotional quotient isn’t that high this time.
I am no different here. At times, I get lost into memories- of good times … college life, night outs with friends and hang outs with lady luck. But, I do realize that emotional instability can’t be attributed to one single reason. Human nature is very unpredictable and so is our heart, when it long for emotional stability to compensate for any void created due to past memories or any unfulfilled dreams or hopes. Though, now I know that, the factors that trigger sense of emotional instability are different for every person at different point of time but, I really wonder … what prevails our thoughts and why.....and above all- why @ midnight?
My intention in this post is not to elaborate my readings on Quarter life crisis, but to share a recent facet I noticed in context with few of its main catalysts and time when they become active .…………read on!
I used to blame emotional instability one of prime reason for Quarter life crisis, which indeed, it still is, but my perception has taken a whole new dimension in light of few real life examples. Above all, I wonder if our emotional quotient increases at midnight or it’s the darkness or emptiness of night which gives us courage to speak our heart out.
“Life is boring without girlfriend/boyfriend”, I heard this monotonic line from a lot of friends (mainly its boys who says this, trust me folks - girls have lot more choices). A majority of them think- having company of an opposite sex in your life is the only way out from depression. I felt this quite convincing and compulsive a reason to start believing until few behavioural examples broadened my thinking and stopped me to jump into any premature conclusions.
First one, a friend calling @ 12 am. She had a huge fight with her boy friend that evening and is upset. You are the one she will call and would like to get listen and get consoled. No one else at this time can fill in for you. Not only when fought, even if she is depressed or not in good mood; you wonder what is it that makes her feels you will have answers for all her worries (and foul cry at times ). You become an emotional pillar on many such instances when she wakes you up at midnight.
Another one, an old friend staying with her girl friend in live-in relationship calls you up @ 2 am and says he is missing you a lot. You equally cherish his friendship and can be nostalgic about good old times, but wait a min – you know he lives in same city and just a call away. So what is this guy really doing at this hour? As you suspected , turned out- the guys is boozing and finds you more appropriate to share his worries and craps till wee hours in the morning.
Take examples of a school friend, who had been into a perfect relationship for long time but got betrayed. He gets emotional at times and calls at night to just talk and share his heart-burn. The same guy will hang-out with you tomorrow, screaming at top of his voice on any party number. Not because he is not the same guy but because his emotional quotient isn’t that high this time.
I am no different here. At times, I get lost into memories- of good times … college life, night outs with friends and hang outs with lady luck. But, I do realize that emotional instability can’t be attributed to one single reason. Human nature is very unpredictable and so is our heart, when it long for emotional stability to compensate for any void created due to past memories or any unfulfilled dreams or hopes. Though, now I know that, the factors that trigger sense of emotional instability are different for every person at different point of time but, I really wonder … what prevails our thoughts and why.....and above all- why @ midnight?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Liberal smiles and We the People
Few days back, I went out for dinner on a Sunday evening along with my roomy and a lady friend. We didn’t had reservation at the restaurant at it was finalized at the last moment. Quite predictable it was, we had to wait outside just like so many other folks (guys n gals) waiting for a table. While a surrounding with girls always prompt my lady friend to ask me to pick one, I wasn’t in mood to be teased easily. I gave a cursory glance around and expressed my disapproval, not because I didn’t like any, but simply because I didn’t wanted to be an easy target for the next 15 minutes.“How about guys? They look cool”, my friend said. Now this was not expected. Both my roomy and I was amazed at her wittiness. Managing the sudden awkwardness thrown at us, we looked at guys, turned towards her and said “On an unbiased opinion, YES! They are far better than the girls they are standing with.” On this all of us laughed out loud. The next few minutes our smiles were revolving around scenes from movie Dostana and life after 377. There was a moment towards the end of that long gossip when I blinked and realized our generation is really getting liberal.
Now this conclusion was not drawn until my next few observations.
Take the first one – my office cab. I share a valuable 2 hours daily in cab with my colleagues, of which a few are also usual acquaintance on tea breaks. Now, one of the guys in cab is always late and makes us wait atleast 5-10 minutes. Because of the good rapport our cab mates share we never told him anything rude or harsh but always used to tell him to be punctual from next time. Recently, a cab mate got irritated from him and asked if he is doing some extra work at home. The response he gave was that he sleeps late and gets so tired that can’t wake early. On this question the chorus blame was on his character and an accusation of being gay. However, the sudden twist in the tale didn’t deter this guy’s to be less witty and he was equally sportive in entertaining the accusation.
2nd one: Two junior male colleagues who often found roaming together in shopping malls, starring at hot chicks are latest victim of 377. In their circle, female friends feed their hunger for laughter by mentioning about these inseparable entities.
Just years back, talking about homosexuality in public was an offense. Now it’s one of the topics to pull legs in friend circle just like crushes and affairs. We are confident about our identity and don’t bother to be pointed as a gay or lesbians in sarcastic gossips among friends. Not to mention, article 377 has suddenly made it more open a topic of discussion among every class of society. Be it social talk shows, print media, colleagues in cubicles or cab and friend circles. Gossiping about homosexuality is the latest addition in humour genre.
At times amid all the chaos in my cab I think: This is true liberalization of thoughts, where a serious topic like this gives a reason to people to smile. No one takes offense in getting pulled into any accusation whatsoever. We cut jokes, we pull legs, and we laugh madly. We the people, have really come off age.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Es raat ki subah nahi - II
Catch the first part here
After the initial hiccups they reached Mukul’s home where Mukul in his trademark style was pretending to hold an anguish face for them. They met him, and as decided, shown some respect to his anger for self defense. They were happy that they reached before shailendra and now he is the one who will be the “torch bearer”. They waited for Mukul in porch, just then Shailendra called for status update while he was on way. They asked him to hurry up. Mukul appeared in groom’s dress and joined the gang who by the time was ready with their arsenals to bless him. Once he was standing with the gang they all were having a gala time with the divine leg pulling session. Shalindra joined in the meantime and finished his quota of divinity. It was time for Baraat to leave Mukul’s place and to reach the point from where it was supposed to march ahead.
Our heroes somehow got a car and bumped-in, trying hard to manage their ass inside it. Thankfully this ride wasn’t long enough to intensify their pain; but they ran for fag as soon as the car dropped them at the destination. They got charged up with masala coke and “the mrit sanjeevani” (cigarette) and joined Baraat for which they were supposed to be the show stopper.
And they didn’t disappoint either; right from bhangra to old classics, and then break dance to “snake dance” they danced on every form and on every song the band played. Seeing their extreme enthusiasm and strange wildness no one had a doubt that they were not drunk. They danced and danced till last breath of energy during that short while which was merely 200 meter away from the point where baraat stated. It took around an hour to cover the stretch and Baraat approached its destination; and like sunlight fading at dusk our heros disappered. Leveraging this known opportunity they went in a corner away from sight of junta to have their mrit sanjeevani again.
All this while there was one common friend missing which they all have promised to meet soon. They appeared in baarat again which was being greeted. They discussed the possibility of meeting this common friend asap. Few of them wanted to invite this common friend in baraat as well but there was a lack of consensus. But now they all wanted to celebrate Mukul’s wedding in a grand way with this friend. So they all left the wedding for a local plash hotel which was decided as the venue to celebrate. They set down on hotel’s bar (if you are still guessing…yes Daru was their common friend), ordered and then toasted for Mukul and his marriage. As tonight Mukul was priority, they ordered only 2-3 drinks after that and then decided to leave. Another sutta session and then our boys, who were in elegant attires, were waving to autos standing in front of that plash hotel.
to be continued....
Quarter life crisis
God… I am so hungry and can’t wait to get home…that was the thought I was having ..when I left office that day….a usual routine for me….reached home late and rang the bell…suddenly realized…oh its me alone in flat tonight as my flatmate left for a trip. ahh..I hate to use my keys…anyway first thing I did was to throw my shoes, got in my shorts and ran to kitchen to check what is there to eat today. Finding nothing great in food I switched TV on as if it would spice up my food and started changing channels. Finally I landed to a channel which was showing a strange movie. I changed channel and moved on to MTV to watch its late night shows (generally roadies or spltivilla) but don’t know if it was curiosity or something, I swept back to the same movie. The movie which seemed like a thriller turned out to be a phscho one with a homicide maniac killing innocent tourist brutally who gets trapped in a deserted area with no sight of any population. Hoping to see the escape of main cast, I watched it till end but, to my disappointment, it turned out to be a killing spree without a single escape.
Notheless to say I had screwed my sleep and mood too. I picked up the daily news paper which I generally get to read at night. After gazing through a few pages my eyes halted on an article. Here is what I read in next few lines.
At 26, Aashish had a well paying job a middle range car and a good apartment on rent he could mange easily. Yet he was not happy, had a feeling of emptiness inside and self-doubt. At times, he simply wanted to give it all up and go back to his college days. It was quarter life crisis, according to doctor.
and I thoughts...there are hundreds of such youngsters-alone, insecure,stressed, nostalgic and frustrated with their routine life, work and relationships. Just when I was lost in thoughts, a friend called. She was feeling low and depressed, and was having a close encounter with nostalgia for old times spent together. And a generally candid and joly me became nostalgic, which, later on turned to sadness once she dropped the phone off after sharing her feeling. Oh its 1’o clock ...lets hit bed and get some sleep before maid wake me up in the morning just when you are in deepest sleep, I murmured. But tonight was different, as soon as I laid on bed a tide of thoughts hit me hard and then it didn’t seems to stop. I don’t know where they all came from at this time of night but I couldn’t do anything to stop or suppress them. The tide swept me along and took me down the memory lane. I started seeing a few events in past with my closed eyes.
The thoughts were so strong but still there wasn’t any single event or thought which I could hold long enough to ponder over or to draw some conclusion as to why or where my turbulent mind… or shall I rather say heart , want to take me along. I tried hard to shut the door for this sea of thoughts, but even my closed eyes were acting as a catalyst to get submerged in them. I knew this feeling, as I have heard about this from few friends who have had quite a few sleepless nights. But hey wait….I am not in love….not atleast now….then what is this…is this the “Qurter life crisis” which everyone in some point of their bachelor life goes through or is it just me? Let’s just think about myself as I am not too sure about others.
The chain of thought begins with few beautiful moments post college life and then traversed back tro and fro in random order. All these while I was still struggling with my chalant mind to not to think anything further and to concentrate on sleeping…you heard it right…I know you don’t do that often…we never have to try to sleep as its one of those few natural things human beings are gifted to keep forever…and specially not when you leave office after being drenched and exhausted...but, today it seemed to be drifting away from me. The harder I tried, tougher it got. I never felt this helpless for my will and had to surrender to my thoughts or should I say something I don’t know.
I felt so unsecured and thought of calling someone whom I can talk for few minutes to divert my attention from my current state so that I can resume my subconscious state…yes I said it right…I didn’t wanted be conscious at this time and wanted to rest in thoughtless state. I picked my cell and started rolling over numbers....its was past 1:40 am and was difficult to find any family member or friend. This made me feel more helpless and for a split second my inner self appeared (like one of those in movies) and asked me…dude what are you doing? You are not this week that you need other’s words to get some sleep…just get your acts together and keep all these wild thoughts at bay, if you can’t torment them.
This self resort seems like a rescuer for just few seconds as the prevailing thoughts suppressed it in no times. Now to my surprise a few of my senses were still alive which prompted me to think about the reason of this tsunami within myself. Was it a “feeling blue factor” for something or is it a by product of some mirage I am after to. Finally, I called one of the best friend, whom I can call any time day-night, and explained my situation, hoping to get a way out of this trauma. He told me to pour my heart out and jot down my thoughts. He has been asking me to write since a long time but couldn’t get anything out of this lazy chap….oh that’s me!!! But this time I nodded and turned my laptop on. I don’t know what was going on inside but I decided I will write.
Pondered over a few minutes, on what to write? At this point I realized, something has not only taken control over my mind but my thinking as well. These invincible thoughts will not let me choose what I wanted to, not atleast in my conscious state. But that’s the whole point. I wanted to get into unconscious state… I wanted to sleep or atleast, write something or do something but want to get away with these thoughts.
My roomie was looking at me angrily.
Roomie: “where were you? I have been ringing bell for past 10 mins. Gave you several calls but you didn’t pick-up.”
Me: “was sleeping yar, sorry!”
Roomie: “Your sleep resemble that of kumbhkarna…( giggles ). And why are you sleeping in hall among mosquitos with Televison on , and on this paper? “
I realized, I slept on the paper with the same article page open. I tried to remember what happened at night. What a weird dream, I thought, a bit scared too.
I said : “ nothing yar, just a quarter life crisis.”
Notheless to say I had screwed my sleep and mood too. I picked up the daily news paper which I generally get to read at night. After gazing through a few pages my eyes halted on an article. Here is what I read in next few lines.
At 26, Aashish had a well paying job a middle range car and a good apartment on rent he could mange easily. Yet he was not happy, had a feeling of emptiness inside and self-doubt. At times, he simply wanted to give it all up and go back to his college days. It was quarter life crisis, according to doctor.
and I thoughts...there are hundreds of such youngsters-alone, insecure,stressed, nostalgic and frustrated with their routine life, work and relationships. Just when I was lost in thoughts, a friend called. She was feeling low and depressed, and was having a close encounter with nostalgia for old times spent together. And a generally candid and joly me became nostalgic, which, later on turned to sadness once she dropped the phone off after sharing her feeling. Oh its 1’o clock ...lets hit bed and get some sleep before maid wake me up in the morning just when you are in deepest sleep, I murmured. But tonight was different, as soon as I laid on bed a tide of thoughts hit me hard and then it didn’t seems to stop. I don’t know where they all came from at this time of night but I couldn’t do anything to stop or suppress them. The tide swept me along and took me down the memory lane. I started seeing a few events in past with my closed eyes.
The thoughts were so strong but still there wasn’t any single event or thought which I could hold long enough to ponder over or to draw some conclusion as to why or where my turbulent mind… or shall I rather say heart , want to take me along. I tried hard to shut the door for this sea of thoughts, but even my closed eyes were acting as a catalyst to get submerged in them. I knew this feeling, as I have heard about this from few friends who have had quite a few sleepless nights. But hey wait….I am not in love….not atleast now….then what is this…is this the “Qurter life crisis” which everyone in some point of their bachelor life goes through or is it just me? Let’s just think about myself as I am not too sure about others.
The chain of thought begins with few beautiful moments post college life and then traversed back tro and fro in random order. All these while I was still struggling with my chalant mind to not to think anything further and to concentrate on sleeping…you heard it right…I know you don’t do that often…we never have to try to sleep as its one of those few natural things human beings are gifted to keep forever…and specially not when you leave office after being drenched and exhausted...but, today it seemed to be drifting away from me. The harder I tried, tougher it got. I never felt this helpless for my will and had to surrender to my thoughts or should I say something I don’t know.
I felt so unsecured and thought of calling someone whom I can talk for few minutes to divert my attention from my current state so that I can resume my subconscious state…yes I said it right…I didn’t wanted be conscious at this time and wanted to rest in thoughtless state. I picked my cell and started rolling over numbers....its was past 1:40 am and was difficult to find any family member or friend. This made me feel more helpless and for a split second my inner self appeared (like one of those in movies) and asked me…dude what are you doing? You are not this week that you need other’s words to get some sleep…just get your acts together and keep all these wild thoughts at bay, if you can’t torment them.
This self resort seems like a rescuer for just few seconds as the prevailing thoughts suppressed it in no times. Now to my surprise a few of my senses were still alive which prompted me to think about the reason of this tsunami within myself. Was it a “feeling blue factor” for something or is it a by product of some mirage I am after to. Finally, I called one of the best friend, whom I can call any time day-night, and explained my situation, hoping to get a way out of this trauma. He told me to pour my heart out and jot down my thoughts. He has been asking me to write since a long time but couldn’t get anything out of this lazy chap….oh that’s me!!! But this time I nodded and turned my laptop on. I don’t know what was going on inside but I decided I will write.
Pondered over a few minutes, on what to write? At this point I realized, something has not only taken control over my mind but my thinking as well. These invincible thoughts will not let me choose what I wanted to, not atleast in my conscious state. But that’s the whole point. I wanted to get into unconscious state… I wanted to sleep or atleast, write something or do something but want to get away with these thoughts.
My roomie was looking at me angrily.
Roomie: “where were you? I have been ringing bell for past 10 mins. Gave you several calls but you didn’t pick-up.”
Me: “was sleeping yar, sorry!”
Roomie: “Your sleep resemble that of kumbhkarna…( giggles ). And why are you sleeping in hall among mosquitos with Televison on , and on this paper? “
I realized, I slept on the paper with the same article page open. I tried to remember what happened at night. What a weird dream, I thought, a bit scared too.
I said : “ nothing yar, just a quarter life crisis.”
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