A poem for all Dads! Happy father's day (16th June)

For all the affection mom shown, you had the love inside

For all the protection Mom shown, you shown toughness and pride

While mom’s tears rolled down seeing our pain, you just said “its ok, son”

While mom said don’t go out, you told hard work is fun

I know you care for us, as much mom does

It’s just you don’t express it often, like Mom does

However, you pretend to be stronger, showing you are otherwise

I know Dad, you love us so much, and don't make us realize

I love you Dad! 

Cheers!

AK

Understanding women

I for long wanted to write on intricate nature fairer sex.  But the limitation of a man in unfurling the complex layers of women psychology and the sheer magnanimity of the canvas has always restricted me from doing so. Beside I really was afraid of my male ego overtaking me from portraying an unbiased view of how women might think. I found it most difficult for two reasons. Firstly, I didn’t know what aspect I will write on – women’s thought process, their nature or their wishes - for there is so much to write on. Secondly, I know for sure whatever I will write, will never be conclusive and this thought will never let me finish writing it.

Nevertheless, my knack for keeping a low profile affair with social blogging has given me this liberty to excuse myself for not doing justice to something quite profound. And taking a cue and courage from this fact I am trying to jot down my observations, readings, experiences, feelings and memories which are intertwined in my heart and mind over year’s interaction with women in many forms.

Long ago I have read an interesting piece on dilemma of a woman about something. To my amazement it turn out that it was written by a man in first person narrative which never let a reader feel that the writer, being a man, is biased in his views. While writing this post, I decided to write it in a first person narrative than presenting a third person view to be able to feel free to say what I had to say by putting me in narrator’s shoe. Here it goes! 

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I am a woman and I have to say something to you guys who claim that we are difficult to understand and please. My views may not be a universal truth but this is generally the case baring a few exceptions.

Are we really so complex to understand? Yes and No. Our mood may be swinging swiftly at times but we are not very tough to please. We are understandable – some easily, some with a little patience. But the point is we want to be understood. Even though we know men will never understand us. While we are easy to upset, we are easy to cheer as well. We like expensive gift but we will cherish every little gifts guys give us on small occasions. We will fancy costly champagne on a 5 star but will even love a tea/coffee in rain with you.   

We love surprises. Though never give us a hint about it. If you have to surprise us do it quietly for we like it but can’t wait for it if we get a clue. We may be more intellectual and intelligent than the men we like/love, but we will still be submissive to him for we can let go our ego while men can’t. We will laugh at silliest jokes and ignore the sarcasm men throw at times. We pamper your ego because we think of you as part of us. We accept your shortcoming and ignore stupid acts you guys do at time.

If one thing you know about us, it has to be – we love shopping. This is one point where we are very predictable. But you forget the fact that we are like this universally. I know it gets quite demanding for you guys to company us in malls but imagine the long hours we wait for you when you stay late in office or hanging out with your bunch of friends in a club. At least you can be a little appreciative by showing some patience while we shop if you can’t show any enthusiasm.

Yes, we do overthink things most of the times. But that’s only because we are careful in our acts and we think of consequences as well. And we do get annoyed if you keep on doing or saying something we don’t like. Yes, we do get critical and complaining but we expect you to take responsibility and accountability at times. Do not fight back each time.

If you take care of little things it means a lot to us. We will remember what you said on an occasion but we also remember what you said when you were angry. Be careful because we may bring that when you have least expected for we remember what we had to or want to. Say things only if you mean them for we hate liars. We will try to understand and may accept you as well with your shortcomings if you are honest with us. Don’t over promise to us or pretend to be someone who you are not. Just be yourselves.

Do not try to change us just because we do that to you guys before marriage. We do that so we can better adjust with you and make you sensitive about few things in life which are beyond the realm of your bachelor life. You do feel proud when people compliment you for us, but you start getting possessive when people compliment us. You feel great when your home look clean and presentable but you have your own reservations when we ask you to change your habits.

We don’t like desperate men – who call/text us every now and then. We like men who have got their acts together. We want you to be smart and intellectual. We want you to have your own identity so that we feel protected and secured with you. We don’t like short tempered guys who are over possessives.

We like to talk- a lot! But that doesn’t mean you should give your advice on every little thing. We like to be heard. You are free to give your opinion but please don’t insists us to do or react the way you guys use to.

Just like guys we get depressed too. And we want you to be there and be supportive. We search comfort in your humorous talk and your arms but arrogance turn us off. We like a little teasing and flirting if you are at ease with you. But don’t overdo it specially to show off in front of others.  

Lastly, we like to be cared and handled in a gracious way. However strong or dominating we may appear or pretend, deep down inside we need a person to trust and fall back on.

So guys, we are slight difficult to understand but not impossible.  

Cheers!

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PS: In case you are wondering, I am not gay J

Changing dynamics of marriage

Marriage – an institution in which success is said to have achieved by the longevity of your stay. Where you don’t get evaluated but can still fail if you don’t do well. It a beautiful thing if you enjoy it but, will give nightmare if you try to adjust. The subject has pulled attentions of thinkers and philosophers alike. However, before one gets admission to this institution, comes a complex process -the process of soulmate search. The post is a brief attempt to narrate how in India, there is a change in dynamism in the way marriages happens in middle class society. This change is neither new nor old. It came in 70s and still new  in different pockets of society in its own way while normal in others. In depends on caste, location, attitude and several other societal factors. For example, in metro its acceptance would have come much before than a tier 2 or 3 city while a forward looking family in small town will accept it much easily than a hardcore traditional family in metros.

  In old days, there used to be grandparents who were retired from job and did not have anything else to do. So once their grand kid were about age, elders used to become matchmaker. They thought it to be their important responsibility. For some the zeal went beyond responsibility and became an obligation toward their community. India being a caste driven society, these marriages were arranged in caste and in the known families through mutual ties. Those were the days when two strangers get married first and then fell in love. It was days when romance used to flourish after marriage. When hide and seek was played behind elders at home – In kitchen and drawing room, from corners of eyes to fake coughing. It was cute and subtle. However, it was also cruel if the boy and his family is just not the right kind for girl. There was no hearing for girls and they used to accept the situation as fate. It was also the time when leeches such as caste and dowry were so deeply rooted in most part of the country.   

Then came Bolywood movies, which showed that love can be daring. The struggle seemed an integral part which made love a sacred act. The entire gamut of love was so glamorous and fascinating that youth started to make this as one important agenda in their life. Gaadi, Bangla, naukri and chokri – a self choosen one. The last being the latest addition gave backfoot to elders in family. However, Indian family were still inclined towards arranged marriage by and large. But the acceptance towards love marriage started increasing gradually. The new wave brought few good change. Caste and money were not importance in this new wave. Likeliness for each other took a front seat. Now love was seen in parks, garden,roadside,theatre and slowly getting accepted. Somewhere, even parents agreed to it mostly maturely but partly to few weird reasons. One of them being – not feeling responsible of their kids fate ahead. But majority of Indian weddings still happened through arranged or to say more appropriately - introduced set-up. Some through common relatives, some through matrimonial sites.

Strangely,  after all the effect of western culture and youth’s mad rush to follow what is easy in life marriages in India still last longest in the world. That’s because, be it love or introduced marriage, the average Indian family believes deeply in institution of marriages.

Surge of emotions!

Got out of theater after watching "The amazing spiderman" in Solihull town center. Checked my cell and found messages from two persons. One, whom I just started to know but won't get to know further (as message states) & another I have been knowing since couple of months and yet feel I don't know. Different context - one went apart, another seems to get closer but with increased complexity in status. 


And just then when I was thinking about why people get hurt, I hear a guitar in the cold blooded night. I threw few coins and requested the old man to sing something for me. He played  'Hotel California'. The same place, which was giving a lonely feeling, pushed me into serenity. I realized that my mood was following the thoughts running in my heart (not brain) and so was it fluctuating so narrowly. Was surprised how external drivers changed my mood. 

Sleepless at 19000 ft.

Life sometimes takes a sudden turn when you least expect it. From the onset, when you look at it as an observer, a strange feeling engulfs you.

This was probably my longest air journey so far. I had to take flight from Singapore to Bangkok and then connecting flight to Bangalore. My stopover of about 4 hours didn't leave me an option to see the city and hence I decided to pass the time in airport lounges. Last minute packing and the previous night gathering with friend had left me sleep deprived already. But when I reached Suvarnabhumi airport and had a cursory glance on few of the lounges, I found the ambience quite dull. Changed my plan and decided to window shop at airport duty free shops. At least that would keep me awake. To my surprise the newly built airport had plenty to keep me busy for next 4 hours.

When my flight boarded from Bangkok for Bangalore, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. An array of different scenes flashed through my closed eyes. I changed the audio channel, and rested on the one playing a soothing instrumental music. As I closed my eyes in the shelter of music, random scenes started flashing again. For a moment I tried running after those scenes which were a collection of known faces and past events. I breathed deeply and tried to capture those flashing visuals in captions.  Soon thereafter I could clearly figure out those visuals were nothing but a fast forward of my own life and its experience. Somewhat similar to a trailer from movie DhobyGhat.  

I could see these captions along with faces and events. It was difficult as they were fast and random but there were few repeating ones - career, family, friends, love, relationships and their form - in past and now, celebrations, partying-away, smiling and worried faces, words, faces showing feelings and expressions and the change in people and in particular myself. I took a mental note of those visuals on my flight TG305 to Bangalore - 19000 ft above ground and here am I putting it on writing.

While I was pondering over these thoughts, I realized that there is no fun without your loved once irrespective of wherever you go. Happiness is in sharing. At this point I thought of meeting friends in next week and family thereafter. A sense of excitement took over me. I instantly got filled with joy by the sheer thought of meeting close ones.

A week in Bangalore was expected to be exciting and fun filled - meeting friends, re-leaving good times and full of laughter. For the most part it turned different - there were surprise, bitter and cold, waiting. Rather than a time to cherish the last few days it became a difficult parting time. A few relations went south; gave me a hint that I was not invited at this phase of their lives. Priorities in lives were changed and so were friends. Even a last attempt to say goodbye was not entertained. This was also the time which forced me to see friendship and relationship in a different light. I got to know that our expectation from relationship is our biggest disappointer. I think I am learning the hard way. 

A kid story

At 9 Aarushi was not very different from other kids of her age. Mamma’s girl who switches party, when mom is in scolding mood.  Born in a middle class family, she was brought up with great care and affection. But in- spite all the regular traits of a pampered kid she was very special. Always centre of attraction, be it home, school or any place she goes with her parents. She would always grab other’s attention as a cute looking girl with twinkle in eyes, dimples on cheek and spontaneous answers.

Being pampered demanded that her wishes get fulfilled with immediate attention. Though at time Mom would get furious on her but for the most part she will get what she want. Her intentionally made innocent look and cute acts would win everyone's heart. But too much love and affection sometime have side effects as well. She was a bit short tempered, if things doesn't go her way. At times when she insist on buying new cloths, becomes difficult for parent to handle her.


Toys were Aayushi’s fascination. All kinds of toys- dolls, train, cars, monkeys. Among all dolls, one sweet little Barbie dressed in pink was her favourite. She and her Barbie were inseparable. She would play with her, eat with her and every night sleep holding her Barbie next to her pillow.

One fine day, on way to school Aayushi saw him. He noticed her too. After that day, she used to find him everyday at the same point near bus stand. One day she didn't see him. She was sad at school and in a bad mood even when returned home. She didn't say a word to anyone and went straight to her room. When she opened the door, she saw him sitting quietly on her bed. She couldn't believe her eye and exclaimed with excitement. She jumped to bed and hugged her sweet strange friend. Her dad who was standing all the while at doorstep was smiling. Aayushi ran to her dad hugged him and said "you are the best dad in whole world".


With Chikoo's arrival, everything was diferent now. "Chikoo", yes - that’s what she named her new friend, a big teady bear which her dad gifted her. Her attention now was divided in between Barbie and Chikoo. And as any kid would have it, time spent with new toy was more in this case too.


Soon Barbie was envious of chikoo. She told aayushi that chikoo is not the correct toy for her. And that she is a girl and should rather play with other dolls. Aayushi listened to her Barbie, but could not leave chikoo. She loved Barbie too and so wanted to make peace between two. But fate had something else as the Barbie didn't quite wanted to share her space in Aayushi's life with chikoo. On the other hand, now Aayushi was bunking school to play with chikoo at home. She will give some health reason to mom and then stay at home. One weekend Aayushi's best friend and other school friend came home to meet her. Before Aayushi could meet them, her friends met Barbie. Barbie who was looking for opportunity, told them that Aayushi's new friend is taking her away from everyone else. None of the friends quite liked this newly found bond. They demanded Aayushi to choose between them and Chikoo.


Alll this drama left Aayushi in deep sadness as chikoo, besides being a soft spoken toy, was a caring friend too. She can never see Aayushi is pain. Probably that was the reason Aayushi got so much affection with him in a short while. Today, at one end it was just chikoo and at other end was Barbie and all friends. After a lot of thinking, Aayushi decided to part way from chikoo as she couldn’t leave all her dolls and friends. Chikoo was sad at this decision but didn't protest as he just wanted Aayushi to be happy. Next morning, Chikoo was dumped in the big trash box outside Aayushi’s home.


After 2 years, one day when Aayushi was shopping in a mall with her mom, she spotted a chikoo look alike teddy. A pretty girl was holding him with affection. They both were looking happy with each other. Aayushi couldn't stop herself and walked towards that girl to enquire. Aayushi asked about the teddy and got to know that girl bought it from a second hand toy shop. It was not as new but was cute enough to pull her attention. And that’s how she met him. Aayushi looked at chikoo with a mixed feeling. While she was happy that chikoo found a new home she was sad because all her friend eventually left her alone one by one. Chikoo looked into Aayushi eys with sadness, yet with affection. As if his eyes were saying Aayushi that life doesn't give a second chance to everyone. The girl moved away and chikoo and Aayushi kept starring each other till they were out of sight.


Moral of the story: Think twice before you choose who your real friends are. 


note: old story which I read to my 7 yr old niece quite sometime back, publishing it now. She loves hearing all sorts of stories from me and doesn't leaves me untill I recite/ tell her 2-3 stories daily, whenever I visit home.  

Because.... he loved

Being loved by someone makes you feel special.....while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Courage to stand against all odds....to sacrifice... to love selflessly, and not to complain loosing it, no matter how desperately you want it back.

This is what Aayush was trying to tell himself while still struggling to catch sleep after a tiring day at office. He thought - why he simply can’t rub off all the memories like equations in school board. Why these unsolved questions of life hurt more than teacher’s punishment. And why he can’t forget this as a bad chapter he could not understood. Go to sleep buddy, you have office in the morning. But he lost in memory lane again.

                                        After passing out from engineering college, Aayush got himself totally engrossed in the new job. His life was mechanical; slog in office till late, come back home at night, check mail and sleep – same routine life everyday. He has minimum social interaction now. When friends complain, he would say sorry and hang up. Mom will call sometime and ask about how he is and whether he is eating well or not. Over several weeks he has lost sleep and was having irregular diet. It was when his colleagues started asking if he is not well he realized that he was getting dark circles.

                      Everyday night, waiting for the sleep goddess, he thinks of college days and tries to delete few sad memories. But tonight, her call after a long time made him restless. He couldn’t sleep at all. Memories of his last day of college came alive. He still remembers when he had asked Ruchi to meet him at college canteen. His batch was celebrating their last lunch and gossip session of college life. While girls were busy filling book, boys were writing (and few colouring) on each other’s shirt. Finally he waved past them and ran out of canteen to meet Ruchi who had just reached there.

                               He was surprised that Ruchi was wearing suit that day. He always liked her in traditional Indian formals while she liked casual attires. He smiled as he knew it was one last favour and sped up to catch up with her as they move towards bakery. Aayush had to always order ice-creams as Ruchi wanted to have more than one flavour. Though he was not an ice-cream fan, but knowing that she would anyway snatch his also, he happily orders one of her favourite. Today, surprisingly she didn’t order anything and asked Aayush to decide. Aayush ordered one big Sunday with three different flavour and two spoons. They sat down and looked around. It was weird that they couldn’t start a conversation for initial few mins and were just blankly staring the table. Aayush desperately wanted her to say something today he thought ‘common please speak up’. Ruchi looked up in and pushed the ice-cream towards him.

                                                                                                                               Aayush had already tried to convince her many times. Aayush had decided to not to bring the topic again and was trying to be at his humours best, especially after seeing her sad mood. Suddenly, he saw tears rolling down her eyes. At first he tried to avoid them but she wouldn’t stop. She was not even crying but tears wouldn’t simply stop. Aayush tried to console her but broke out himself after few minutes. Aayush knew she wanted to say a lot of thing but she won’t. The talkative Auyush himself wasn’table to utter a single word. They were all tears and holding each other’s hand for next few mins. It was one of those moments when they both were silent yet talking, through their weeping eyes.

Remembering you !

Please don’t go, I can’t bear this separation

Wait! Are you really far, or is it just an illusion?

I see pain in you, when you being rude or practical

you may try to hide; I know it wasn’t intentional.

You may pretend that you don’t care anymore

you think, you can fool me, just like your sweet allure?

You may expect otherwise, but I can’t hate you

no matter how hard I try, yes I still miss you.

Though, I hate to love you, everyday and still

is it your affection, or just me against my will.

It hurts when you can’t accept me in your world now

for what we had was bliss, magic, simple yet how.

I am confused, will it make easier if I just lie

should I listen to you, alas I can't let you die.

Why you have such a big heart, don’t you sink

for you love me and tell me not to, and just wink

I know how tougher it makes for you to resist

When you weep inside, pretend and just insist.

Sorry for how weak I am making your resolve

I can’t help it but to let myself dissolve.

This hope is all I have, after your sustained denials

that you may change your mind after several trials.

Please forgive me for I have loved you, but couldn't selflessly

the reason why, I simply can’t let you go easily.

Night long thoughts, your memories, the endless race

Come soon, for I am waiting, Oh my grace!

Saturday afternoon and PRICELESS

Saturday afternoon…I am at home, had my lunch quite late, then off to my usual 30 min flip through session of TV channels – just to see what to not watch. That’s right; I am one of those people who pick up remote to never settle on a particular channel unless I am really convinced that something worth is there to hold on to; for few minutes or may be few hours sometimes. Bizarre it may sound, but I am not an anxious freak; it’s just a habit or if you can trust on my intuitive logic- “ It’s a constant desire to find the best channel, or in other words to find THE ONE ”. But that’s not the point I wanted to bring up here. Generally, my hunger for a suitable matinee channel ends 30 minutes post lunch as I obey my sleep goddess and follow her without any conflict after that.
However, today was a little different and I got two good movies to watch one after another. A rare treat you can get from your idiot box when it is occasionally permitted to speak. First one was on HBO, a typical “Bourne” action thriller type movie, which I always enjoy; second one, I stopped by accidentally. Accidentally, because HBO and star movies are two of my resting points on remote and it was on none of them. As I was flipping through channels again- right after the first movie, I find this French channel showing a movie with English subtitle. Oh…btw, I haven’t mentioned that I used to watch a lot of movies in different languages with English subtitles. In-fact some of the Korean movies are all time favorite romantic movies and I know their stories have been copied in our Bollywood movies too.
So, intrigued by my instinct and past experience I stayed on this particular French channel. Nevertheless to say I wasn’t disappointed at the end.
The movie name was PRICELESS (released in 2006). The story was about Irène and Jean and their life changing moments in luxury hotels of France. Irène first meets Jean in a hotel where he works as a bartender. When her white-haired sugar daddy falls asleep in their suite the night of her birthday, she steals down to the bar where Jean is napping and mistakes him for a rich playboy. Jean, once awakened, gets instantly smitten tries to pretend the fake identity; they get drunk together and spend a night in the hotel’s conveniently unoccupied royal suite.
Irene later finds out about Jean's reality and dumps him. Jean follows her to apologize, convinces her a lot but she bankrupts him on a shopping spree to take revenge. Just when Jean was to be handed over to police for not able to clear the bills, a wealthy older widow who eyes him in the hotel lobby earlier, rescues him and keeps him as her lover cum assistant.
Eventually Irène realizes that she and Jean are playing the same game - trading sexual favours for gifts. While Irene does it for living, Jean was forced to do this, because of the circumstances Irene created. Jean manages to stay in same hotel where Irene is staying. Irene sees him. This makes Irene feel happy that Jean too is in the same condition.
While Irene was materialistic by choice, Jean was doing all of it just to have few moments with her, In the hope that one day she will forgive him and would love him. Instead of what turn life has taken after meeting Irene, Jean’s only motive was to see her happy. At last Irene realizes what she wants is a prince by heart, not by wealth. Jean's selfish and pure love wins her over.
Though romantic, it was a bit different from usual Hollywood romantic genre movies. The script was quite unique and bold. Probably, that’s the reason it is rated PG-13. I was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but hanged in for a while and loved it. To sum it up- a romantic movie with effervescence, new and experimental storyline, near real portrayal of the extravagant lifestyles in plush hotels of France and good performances.

Dil, dosti etc.@midnight

After my first interaction with “Quarter life crisis” (read here ), I accidentally read few more articles on it in newspapers. At first, I thought I am being conscious about it but, later came to realization that it’s just the enlightened me who now finds it more realistic and an interesting read.
        My intention in this post is not to elaborate my readings on Quarter life crisis, but to share a recent facet I noticed in context with few of its main catalysts and time when they become active .…………read on!
I used to blame emotional instability one of prime reason for Quarter life crisis, which indeed, it still is, but my perception has taken a whole new dimension in light of few real life examples. Above all, I wonder if our emotional quotient increases at midnight or it’s the darkness or emptiness of night which gives us courage to speak our heart out.
             “Life is boring without girlfriend/boyfriend”, I heard this monotonic line from a lot of friends (mainly its boys who says this, trust me folks - girls have lot more choices). A majority of them think- having company of an opposite sex in your life is the only way out from depression. I felt this quite convincing and compulsive a reason to start believing until few behavioural examples broadened my thinking and stopped me to jump into any premature conclusions.
First one, a friend calling @ 12 am. She had a huge fight with her boy friend that evening and is upset. You are the one she will call and would like to get listen and get consoled. No one else at this time can fill in for you. Not only when fought, even if she is depressed or not in good mood; you wonder what is it that makes her feels you will have answers for all her worries (and foul cry at times ). You become an emotional pillar on many such instances when she wakes you up at midnight.
               Another one, an old friend staying with her girl friend in live-in relationship calls you up @ 2 am and says he is missing you a lot. You equally cherish his friendship and can be nostalgic about good old times, but wait a min – you know he lives in same city and just a call away. So what is this guy really doing at this hour? As you suspected , turned out- the guys is boozing and finds you more appropriate to share his worries and craps till wee hours in the morning.
             Take examples of a school friend, who had been into a perfect relationship for long time but got betrayed. He gets emotional at times and calls at night to just talk and share his heart-burn. The same guy will hang-out with you tomorrow, screaming at top of his voice on any party number. Not because he is not the same guy but because his emotional quotient isn’t that high this time.
                             I am no different here. At times, I get lost into memories- of good times … college life, night outs with friends and hang outs with lady luck. But, I do realize that emotional instability can’t be attributed to one single reason. Human nature is very unpredictable and so is our heart, when it long for emotional stability to compensate for any void created due to past memories or any unfulfilled dreams or hopes. Though, now I know that, the factors that trigger sense of emotional instability are different for every person at different point of time but, I really wonder … what prevails our thoughts and why.....and above all-  why @ midnight?