Agony of a woman

A while ago I read a thought provoking article on predicament of a woman. Then woman couldn't figure out where is her actual home – her parent’s home or her husband’s home for she was always made to realize that she is accepted everywhere but a freewill is not her prerogative. Her parents told her that she can do whatever she wants in her in-law’s home as that would be her real home. But she came to a realization after marriage when her in-laws too told her the same thing – this is not your home that you are free to do anything you wish for.

There are several faces of agony of women within our society – some palpable, some unheard and some so bizarre that it feels we still live in a gender biased society.

We in fact live in a male dominating society. However forward thinking and progress we talk about, but east or west, women are seen second to men in so many aspects. Be it intellect, strength, power, political acumen and list goes on. Off-course they are marching with men shoulder-to-shoulder but just look at the glass ceiling for example. How many women figures as CEO compared to men?

This is not all. The social structure also hinders their progress at each and every stage. After marriage if someone has to sacrifice their career it is women. And it is so much taken for granted that men think that they never need to worry about this aspect. Even if women manage work and children together, they are expected to cook and manage the entire family. Though the scene is changing with men who are supportive but yet they can never match the sacrifice women have to do for the family.

Much before marriages they are restricted to study much. Why? Because they may not get a worthy match or they are rushed to get married to pursue their aspirations later after marriage. But it doesn’t really turn out that way.

While above were a few such example which are quite easy to overlook even in most of the advance countries, there are issues which are more prevalent in small towns and villages where women are victim of atrocious tradition of dowry and its aftermath. This act does get extend to verbal and mental torture and in some case to domestic violence.  In-spite of giving their whole and soul women never get the respect and love they deserved. Ironical though, women themselves are their biggest tormentor in some of these situations.

On the hindsight, it is heartening to see more women taking courage to change their plight. Be it financial and social independence or having a right of speech or will. We as a society may not have matured much overall but women certainly are stepping beyond their Dad’s girl image. 

Changing dynamics of marriage

Marriage – an institution in which success is said to have achieved by the longevity of your stay. Where you don’t get evaluated but can still fail if you don’t do well. It a beautiful thing if you enjoy it but, will give nightmare if you try to adjust. The subject has pulled attentions of thinkers and philosophers alike. However, before one gets admission to this institution, comes a complex process -the process of soulmate search. The post is a brief attempt to narrate how in India, there is a change in dynamism in the way marriages happens in middle class society. This change is neither new nor old. It came in 70s and still new  in different pockets of society in its own way while normal in others. In depends on caste, location, attitude and several other societal factors. For example, in metro its acceptance would have come much before than a tier 2 or 3 city while a forward looking family in small town will accept it much easily than a hardcore traditional family in metros.

  In old days, there used to be grandparents who were retired from job and did not have anything else to do. So once their grand kid were about age, elders used to become matchmaker. They thought it to be their important responsibility. For some the zeal went beyond responsibility and became an obligation toward their community. India being a caste driven society, these marriages were arranged in caste and in the known families through mutual ties. Those were the days when two strangers get married first and then fell in love. It was days when romance used to flourish after marriage. When hide and seek was played behind elders at home – In kitchen and drawing room, from corners of eyes to fake coughing. It was cute and subtle. However, it was also cruel if the boy and his family is just not the right kind for girl. There was no hearing for girls and they used to accept the situation as fate. It was also the time when leeches such as caste and dowry were so deeply rooted in most part of the country.   

Then came Bolywood movies, which showed that love can be daring. The struggle seemed an integral part which made love a sacred act. The entire gamut of love was so glamorous and fascinating that youth started to make this as one important agenda in their life. Gaadi, Bangla, naukri and chokri – a self choosen one. The last being the latest addition gave backfoot to elders in family. However, Indian family were still inclined towards arranged marriage by and large. But the acceptance towards love marriage started increasing gradually. The new wave brought few good change. Caste and money were not importance in this new wave. Likeliness for each other took a front seat. Now love was seen in parks, garden,roadside,theatre and slowly getting accepted. Somewhere, even parents agreed to it mostly maturely but partly to few weird reasons. One of them being – not feeling responsible of their kids fate ahead. But majority of Indian weddings still happened through arranged or to say more appropriately - introduced set-up. Some through common relatives, some through matrimonial sites.

Strangely,  after all the effect of western culture and youth’s mad rush to follow what is easy in life marriages in India still last longest in the world. That’s because, be it love or introduced marriage, the average Indian family believes deeply in institution of marriages.