Changing dynamics of marriage

Marriage – an institution in which success is said to have achieved by the longevity of your stay. Where you don’t get evaluated but can still fail if you don’t do well. It a beautiful thing if you enjoy it but, will give nightmare if you try to adjust. The subject has pulled attentions of thinkers and philosophers alike. However, before one gets admission to this institution, comes a complex process -the process of soulmate search. The post is a brief attempt to narrate how in India, there is a change in dynamism in the way marriages happens in middle class society. This change is neither new nor old. It came in 70s and still new  in different pockets of society in its own way while normal in others. In depends on caste, location, attitude and several other societal factors. For example, in metro its acceptance would have come much before than a tier 2 or 3 city while a forward looking family in small town will accept it much easily than a hardcore traditional family in metros.

  In old days, there used to be grandparents who were retired from job and did not have anything else to do. So once their grand kid were about age, elders used to become matchmaker. They thought it to be their important responsibility. For some the zeal went beyond responsibility and became an obligation toward their community. India being a caste driven society, these marriages were arranged in caste and in the known families through mutual ties. Those were the days when two strangers get married first and then fell in love. It was days when romance used to flourish after marriage. When hide and seek was played behind elders at home – In kitchen and drawing room, from corners of eyes to fake coughing. It was cute and subtle. However, it was also cruel if the boy and his family is just not the right kind for girl. There was no hearing for girls and they used to accept the situation as fate. It was also the time when leeches such as caste and dowry were so deeply rooted in most part of the country.   

Then came Bolywood movies, which showed that love can be daring. The struggle seemed an integral part which made love a sacred act. The entire gamut of love was so glamorous and fascinating that youth started to make this as one important agenda in their life. Gaadi, Bangla, naukri and chokri – a self choosen one. The last being the latest addition gave backfoot to elders in family. However, Indian family were still inclined towards arranged marriage by and large. But the acceptance towards love marriage started increasing gradually. The new wave brought few good change. Caste and money were not importance in this new wave. Likeliness for each other took a front seat. Now love was seen in parks, garden,roadside,theatre and slowly getting accepted. Somewhere, even parents agreed to it mostly maturely but partly to few weird reasons. One of them being – not feeling responsible of their kids fate ahead. But majority of Indian weddings still happened through arranged or to say more appropriately - introduced set-up. Some through common relatives, some through matrimonial sites.

Strangely,  after all the effect of western culture and youth’s mad rush to follow what is easy in life marriages in India still last longest in the world. That’s because, be it love or introduced marriage, the average Indian family believes deeply in institution of marriages.

Random frames of human nature

A foreword - Please forgive me for my random, unplanned and illogical flow in this post, as the way life is sometimes - hazy, weird and restless. And this is me trying to recall and put together few thoughts, feelings, observations and hard learning.

Life doesn’t treat us same always; while there are spring and autumn, there is dark cold winter too. But then, that’s life. It has its own way of making us realize worth of everything (or everyone) it gives or snatches away from us.

There is nothing complex than a human behavior. Recollecting some random frames I could capture, and an attempt to look at them from a critic point of view.

Glorifying problems: We all crib about our problems. Be it health, job, relationship, situations or wherever we found circumstances not favorable to us. Yes, we are human and we do have our share of problems and issues.  Sometimes we brave them, but mostly, we crib. Surprisingly, to human, what becomes more painstaking than the problem itself is, when others don’t pay much attention to our problems? Everyone has problems in life. True, Life is not a path full of roses. Still, human tendency is to glorify pain and suffering as a unique feat just as victories and achievements. We feel getting consoled and healed if get listened to. No, there is nothing wrong in sharing or discussing problems, but it just start getting worse when the intention behind it is to gain sympathy. In due course, we weaken our inner strength and loose the fighting spirit. Quite a common phenomenon it is, however still, human are pretty obsessed with it. And strangely enough, it is like an addiction. Once you are habituated, you really need to get a recharge of extreme will and positive minds – a rare commodity amidst difficult times.  

Expectations: Our expectations in every walk of life, a strange human behavior. It’s weird but human mind sometime gets obsessed with it. Most of the time it has a strong base on which it grows. More the expectation, more the anxiety. Though, unlike software versions, any upgradation in real life is non reversible, atleast not acceptable easily. Be it life style and your experience with job, relationships etc. Once you have seen best of these it is difficult to accept the degradation. The culprit here is expectation which sets itself at the uppermost level one achieves in life on every front. To be more elaborative - a good work environment, great friend circle and a loving companion and money off course. We need best of everything and are disappointed if expectations are not met on any front

Relationship: Sometime in movies, couple separates because, lack of effervescence in their relationship. They would show, how after an awesome living, comes a time of cribbing, quarrel, conflicts and most awkwardly silence. It is also true that no matter how much hard you try to put things back together, there would be something lacking. In times like this, even the grey shades starts creeping up - anger, frustration and ego. In situations like these, time seems to be the best healer. Parting a distance works to get closer later.    

Response to Change: Strange but how contextual treatment change gets from people. It is never taken in same way always. People might read all sort of motivational books on how one should not get affected by change and adjust fast to it. At the same time anything monotonous seems to kill people, especially in job and day to day life. People mould their likeliness towards it according to need.  Hence, while on one hand a trip or long vacation is all one look for to get a change(read break) from routine life, it is not a desirable  thing when one  is in his/her comfort zone, especially with job, location, friends and food. We don’t accept a change in these things easily and it takes us a long time to adjust.   

Though human nature is quite difficult to understand, it’s the most beautiful and intelligent creation of God. We posses these complex behaviors and can still live with them.  I am no different from others.