Quarter life crisis

God… I am so hungry and can’t wait to get home…that was the thought I was having ..when I left office that day….a usual routine for me….reached home late and rang the bell…suddenly realized…oh its me alone in flat tonight as my flatmate left for a trip. ahh..I hate to use my keys…anyway first thing I did was to throw my shoes, got in my shorts and ran to kitchen to check what is there to eat today. Finding nothing great in food I switched TV on as if it would spice up my food and started changing channels. Finally I landed to a channel which was showing a strange movie. I changed channel and moved on to MTV to watch its late night shows (generally roadies or spltivilla) but don’t know if it was curiosity or something, I swept back to the same movie. The movie which seemed like a thriller turned out to be a phscho one with a homicide maniac killing innocent tourist brutally who gets trapped in a deserted area with no sight of any population. Hoping to see the escape of main cast, I watched it till end but, to my disappointment, it turned out to be a killing spree without a single escape.
Notheless to say I had screwed my sleep and mood too. I picked up the daily news paper which I generally get to read at night. After gazing through a few pages my eyes halted on an article. Here is what I read in next few lines.

At 26, Aashish had a well paying job a middle range car and a good apartment on rent he could mange easily. Yet he was not happy, had a feeling of emptiness inside and self-doubt. At times, he simply wanted to give it all up and go back to his college days. It was quarter life crisis, according to doctor.

and I thoughts...there are hundreds of such youngsters-alone, insecure,stressed, nostalgic and frustrated with their routine life, work and relationships. Just when I was lost in thoughts, a friend called. She was feeling low and depressed, and was having a close encounter with nostalgia for old times spent together. And a generally candid and joly me became nostalgic, which, later on turned to sadness once she dropped the phone off after sharing her feeling. Oh its 1’o clock ...lets hit bed and get some sleep before maid wake me up in the morning just when you are in deepest sleep, I murmured. But tonight was different, as soon as I laid on bed a tide of thoughts hit me hard and then it didn’t seems to stop. I don’t know where they all came from at this time of night but I couldn’t do anything to stop or suppress them. The tide swept me along and took me down the memory lane. I started seeing a few events in past with my closed eyes.
The thoughts were so strong but still there wasn’t any single event or thought which I could hold long enough to ponder over or to draw some conclusion as to why or where my turbulent mind… or shall I rather say heart , want to take me along. I tried hard to shut the door for this sea of thoughts, but even my closed eyes were acting as a catalyst to get submerged in them. I knew this feeling, as I have heard about this from few friends who have had quite a few sleepless nights. But hey wait….I am not in love….not atleast now….then what is this…is this the “Qurter life crisis” which everyone in some point of their bachelor life goes through or is it just me? Let’s just think about myself as I am not too sure about others.
The chain of thought begins with few beautiful moments post college life and then traversed back tro and fro in random order. All these while I was still struggling with my chalant mind to not to think anything further and to concentrate on sleeping…you heard it right…I know you don’t do that often…we never have to try to sleep as its one of those few natural things human beings are gifted to keep forever…and specially not when you leave office after being drenched and exhausted...but, today it seemed to be drifting away from me. The harder I tried, tougher it got. I never felt this helpless for my will and had to surrender to my thoughts or should I say something I don’t know.
I felt so unsecured and thought of calling someone whom I can talk for few minutes to divert my attention from my current state so that I can resume my subconscious state…yes I said it right…I didn’t wanted be conscious at this time and wanted to rest in thoughtless state. I picked my cell and started rolling over numbers....its was past 1:40 am and was difficult to find any family member or friend. This made me feel more helpless and for a split second my inner self appeared (like one of those in movies) and asked me…dude what are you doing? You are not this week that you need other’s words to get some sleep…just get your acts together and keep all these wild thoughts at bay, if you can’t torment them.
This self resort seems like a rescuer for just few seconds as the prevailing thoughts suppressed it in no times. Now to my surprise a few of my senses were still alive which prompted me to think about the reason of this tsunami within myself. Was it a “feeling blue factor” for something or is it a by product of some mirage I am after to. Finally, I called one of the best friend, whom I can call any time day-night, and explained my situation, hoping to get a way out of this trauma. He told me to pour my heart out and jot down my thoughts. He has been asking me to write since a long time but couldn’t get anything out of this lazy chap….oh that’s me!!! But this time I nodded and turned my laptop on. I don’t know what was going on inside but I decided I will write.
Pondered over a few minutes, on what to write? At this point I realized, something has not only taken control over my mind but my thinking as well. These invincible thoughts will not let me choose what I wanted to, not atleast in my conscious state. But that’s the whole point. I wanted to get into unconscious state… I wanted to sleep or atleast, write something or do something but want to get away with these thoughts.
My roomie was looking at me angrily.
Roomie: “where were you? I have been ringing bell for past 10 mins. Gave you several calls but you didn’t pick-up.”
Me: “was sleeping yar, sorry!”
Roomie: “Your sleep resemble that of kumbhkarna…( giggles ). And why are you sleeping in hall among mosquitos with Televison on , and on this paper? “

I realized, I slept on the paper with the same article page open. I tried to remember what happened at night. What a weird dream, I thought, a bit scared too.

I said : “ nothing yar, just a quarter life crisis.”