Agony of a woman

A while ago I read a thought provoking article on predicament of a woman. Then woman couldn't figure out where is her actual home – her parent’s home or her husband’s home for she was always made to realize that she is accepted everywhere but a freewill is not her prerogative. Her parents told her that she can do whatever she wants in her in-law’s home as that would be her real home. But she came to a realization after marriage when her in-laws too told her the same thing – this is not your home that you are free to do anything you wish for.

There are several faces of agony of women within our society – some palpable, some unheard and some so bizarre that it feels we still live in a gender biased society.

We in fact live in a male dominating society. However forward thinking and progress we talk about, but east or west, women are seen second to men in so many aspects. Be it intellect, strength, power, political acumen and list goes on. Off-course they are marching with men shoulder-to-shoulder but just look at the glass ceiling for example. How many women figures as CEO compared to men?

This is not all. The social structure also hinders their progress at each and every stage. After marriage if someone has to sacrifice their career it is women. And it is so much taken for granted that men think that they never need to worry about this aspect. Even if women manage work and children together, they are expected to cook and manage the entire family. Though the scene is changing with men who are supportive but yet they can never match the sacrifice women have to do for the family.

Much before marriages they are restricted to study much. Why? Because they may not get a worthy match or they are rushed to get married to pursue their aspirations later after marriage. But it doesn’t really turn out that way.

While above were a few such example which are quite easy to overlook even in most of the advance countries, there are issues which are more prevalent in small towns and villages where women are victim of atrocious tradition of dowry and its aftermath. This act does get extend to verbal and mental torture and in some case to domestic violence.  In-spite of giving their whole and soul women never get the respect and love they deserved. Ironical though, women themselves are their biggest tormentor in some of these situations.

On the hindsight, it is heartening to see more women taking courage to change their plight. Be it financial and social independence or having a right of speech or will. We as a society may not have matured much overall but women certainly are stepping beyond their Dad’s girl image. 

Understanding women

I for long wanted to write on intricate nature fairer sex.  But the limitation of a man in unfurling the complex layers of women psychology and the sheer magnanimity of the canvas has always restricted me from doing so. Beside I really was afraid of my male ego overtaking me from portraying an unbiased view of how women might think. I found it most difficult for two reasons. Firstly, I didn’t know what aspect I will write on – women’s thought process, their nature or their wishes - for there is so much to write on. Secondly, I know for sure whatever I will write, will never be conclusive and this thought will never let me finish writing it.

Nevertheless, my knack for keeping a low profile affair with social blogging has given me this liberty to excuse myself for not doing justice to something quite profound. And taking a cue and courage from this fact I am trying to jot down my observations, readings, experiences, feelings and memories which are intertwined in my heart and mind over year’s interaction with women in many forms.

Long ago I have read an interesting piece on dilemma of a woman about something. To my amazement it turn out that it was written by a man in first person narrative which never let a reader feel that the writer, being a man, is biased in his views. While writing this post, I decided to write it in a first person narrative than presenting a third person view to be able to feel free to say what I had to say by putting me in narrator’s shoe. Here it goes! 

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I am a woman and I have to say something to you guys who claim that we are difficult to understand and please. My views may not be a universal truth but this is generally the case baring a few exceptions.

Are we really so complex to understand? Yes and No. Our mood may be swinging swiftly at times but we are not very tough to please. We are understandable – some easily, some with a little patience. But the point is we want to be understood. Even though we know men will never understand us. While we are easy to upset, we are easy to cheer as well. We like expensive gift but we will cherish every little gifts guys give us on small occasions. We will fancy costly champagne on a 5 star but will even love a tea/coffee in rain with you.   

We love surprises. Though never give us a hint about it. If you have to surprise us do it quietly for we like it but can’t wait for it if we get a clue. We may be more intellectual and intelligent than the men we like/love, but we will still be submissive to him for we can let go our ego while men can’t. We will laugh at silliest jokes and ignore the sarcasm men throw at times. We pamper your ego because we think of you as part of us. We accept your shortcoming and ignore stupid acts you guys do at time.

If one thing you know about us, it has to be – we love shopping. This is one point where we are very predictable. But you forget the fact that we are like this universally. I know it gets quite demanding for you guys to company us in malls but imagine the long hours we wait for you when you stay late in office or hanging out with your bunch of friends in a club. At least you can be a little appreciative by showing some patience while we shop if you can’t show any enthusiasm.

Yes, we do overthink things most of the times. But that’s only because we are careful in our acts and we think of consequences as well. And we do get annoyed if you keep on doing or saying something we don’t like. Yes, we do get critical and complaining but we expect you to take responsibility and accountability at times. Do not fight back each time.

If you take care of little things it means a lot to us. We will remember what you said on an occasion but we also remember what you said when you were angry. Be careful because we may bring that when you have least expected for we remember what we had to or want to. Say things only if you mean them for we hate liars. We will try to understand and may accept you as well with your shortcomings if you are honest with us. Don’t over promise to us or pretend to be someone who you are not. Just be yourselves.

Do not try to change us just because we do that to you guys before marriage. We do that so we can better adjust with you and make you sensitive about few things in life which are beyond the realm of your bachelor life. You do feel proud when people compliment you for us, but you start getting possessive when people compliment us. You feel great when your home look clean and presentable but you have your own reservations when we ask you to change your habits.

We don’t like desperate men – who call/text us every now and then. We like men who have got their acts together. We want you to be smart and intellectual. We want you to have your own identity so that we feel protected and secured with you. We don’t like short tempered guys who are over possessives.

We like to talk- a lot! But that doesn’t mean you should give your advice on every little thing. We like to be heard. You are free to give your opinion but please don’t insists us to do or react the way you guys use to.

Just like guys we get depressed too. And we want you to be there and be supportive. We search comfort in your humorous talk and your arms but arrogance turn us off. We like a little teasing and flirting if you are at ease with you. But don’t overdo it specially to show off in front of others.  

Lastly, we like to be cared and handled in a gracious way. However strong or dominating we may appear or pretend, deep down inside we need a person to trust and fall back on.

So guys, we are slight difficult to understand but not impossible.  

Cheers!

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PS: In case you are wondering, I am not gay J

Courage in tough times !

Courage & Strength in crisis can be drawn from various sources - family, friends, strangers or even small insects. Though, the biggest strength is sheer character & mettle which can suck on the crisis to weaken it. Its the mettle which draw strength from the crisis situation. When a normal person gets into a crisis zone he/she can either succumb to the circumstances or draw strength from situation to acquire a toughness to face it all and stand firm.

Crossroad and the dilemma of choosing correct path!

On a highway when one face a crossroad with no sign on it, the first instinct is to choose a road which is broader because one get this illusion that other one is 'the road less travelled'. However, one never actually think how many of them make it to their final destination choosing the presumably better path.We human do get influenced and illusioned  by what we see in-front and never think what is on hindsight.A broader and smooth road may seems like an easy ride but we don't give the less perfect road a second thought. 

In life we faces many such cross road without any indication as to which will take us to our destination. And our rational thinking make us choose the broader road. Though it is an equally uninformed decision that of choosing other one but we still presume we have chosen the correct one.