A poem for all Dads! Happy father's day (16th June)

For all the affection mom shown, you had the love inside

For all the protection Mom shown, you shown toughness and pride

While mom’s tears rolled down seeing our pain, you just said “its ok, son”

While mom said don’t go out, you told hard work is fun

I know you care for us, as much mom does

It’s just you don’t express it often, like Mom does

However, you pretend to be stronger, showing you are otherwise

I know Dad, you love us so much, and don't make us realize

I love you Dad! 

Cheers!

AK

Agony of a woman

A while ago I read a thought provoking article on predicament of a woman. Then woman couldn't figure out where is her actual home – her parent’s home or her husband’s home for she was always made to realize that she is accepted everywhere but a freewill is not her prerogative. Her parents told her that she can do whatever she wants in her in-law’s home as that would be her real home. But she came to a realization after marriage when her in-laws too told her the same thing – this is not your home that you are free to do anything you wish for.

There are several faces of agony of women within our society – some palpable, some unheard and some so bizarre that it feels we still live in a gender biased society.

We in fact live in a male dominating society. However forward thinking and progress we talk about, but east or west, women are seen second to men in so many aspects. Be it intellect, strength, power, political acumen and list goes on. Off-course they are marching with men shoulder-to-shoulder but just look at the glass ceiling for example. How many women figures as CEO compared to men?

This is not all. The social structure also hinders their progress at each and every stage. After marriage if someone has to sacrifice their career it is women. And it is so much taken for granted that men think that they never need to worry about this aspect. Even if women manage work and children together, they are expected to cook and manage the entire family. Though the scene is changing with men who are supportive but yet they can never match the sacrifice women have to do for the family.

Much before marriages they are restricted to study much. Why? Because they may not get a worthy match or they are rushed to get married to pursue their aspirations later after marriage. But it doesn’t really turn out that way.

While above were a few such example which are quite easy to overlook even in most of the advance countries, there are issues which are more prevalent in small towns and villages where women are victim of atrocious tradition of dowry and its aftermath. This act does get extend to verbal and mental torture and in some case to domestic violence.  In-spite of giving their whole and soul women never get the respect and love they deserved. Ironical though, women themselves are their biggest tormentor in some of these situations.

On the hindsight, it is heartening to see more women taking courage to change their plight. Be it financial and social independence or having a right of speech or will. We as a society may not have matured much overall but women certainly are stepping beyond their Dad’s girl image. 

Understanding women

I for long wanted to write on intricate nature fairer sex.  But the limitation of a man in unfurling the complex layers of women psychology and the sheer magnanimity of the canvas has always restricted me from doing so. Beside I really was afraid of my male ego overtaking me from portraying an unbiased view of how women might think. I found it most difficult for two reasons. Firstly, I didn’t know what aspect I will write on – women’s thought process, their nature or their wishes - for there is so much to write on. Secondly, I know for sure whatever I will write, will never be conclusive and this thought will never let me finish writing it.

Nevertheless, my knack for keeping a low profile affair with social blogging has given me this liberty to excuse myself for not doing justice to something quite profound. And taking a cue and courage from this fact I am trying to jot down my observations, readings, experiences, feelings and memories which are intertwined in my heart and mind over year’s interaction with women in many forms.

Long ago I have read an interesting piece on dilemma of a woman about something. To my amazement it turn out that it was written by a man in first person narrative which never let a reader feel that the writer, being a man, is biased in his views. While writing this post, I decided to write it in a first person narrative than presenting a third person view to be able to feel free to say what I had to say by putting me in narrator’s shoe. Here it goes! 

------------------------

I am a woman and I have to say something to you guys who claim that we are difficult to understand and please. My views may not be a universal truth but this is generally the case baring a few exceptions.

Are we really so complex to understand? Yes and No. Our mood may be swinging swiftly at times but we are not very tough to please. We are understandable – some easily, some with a little patience. But the point is we want to be understood. Even though we know men will never understand us. While we are easy to upset, we are easy to cheer as well. We like expensive gift but we will cherish every little gifts guys give us on small occasions. We will fancy costly champagne on a 5 star but will even love a tea/coffee in rain with you.   

We love surprises. Though never give us a hint about it. If you have to surprise us do it quietly for we like it but can’t wait for it if we get a clue. We may be more intellectual and intelligent than the men we like/love, but we will still be submissive to him for we can let go our ego while men can’t. We will laugh at silliest jokes and ignore the sarcasm men throw at times. We pamper your ego because we think of you as part of us. We accept your shortcoming and ignore stupid acts you guys do at time.

If one thing you know about us, it has to be – we love shopping. This is one point where we are very predictable. But you forget the fact that we are like this universally. I know it gets quite demanding for you guys to company us in malls but imagine the long hours we wait for you when you stay late in office or hanging out with your bunch of friends in a club. At least you can be a little appreciative by showing some patience while we shop if you can’t show any enthusiasm.

Yes, we do overthink things most of the times. But that’s only because we are careful in our acts and we think of consequences as well. And we do get annoyed if you keep on doing or saying something we don’t like. Yes, we do get critical and complaining but we expect you to take responsibility and accountability at times. Do not fight back each time.

If you take care of little things it means a lot to us. We will remember what you said on an occasion but we also remember what you said when you were angry. Be careful because we may bring that when you have least expected for we remember what we had to or want to. Say things only if you mean them for we hate liars. We will try to understand and may accept you as well with your shortcomings if you are honest with us. Don’t over promise to us or pretend to be someone who you are not. Just be yourselves.

Do not try to change us just because we do that to you guys before marriage. We do that so we can better adjust with you and make you sensitive about few things in life which are beyond the realm of your bachelor life. You do feel proud when people compliment you for us, but you start getting possessive when people compliment us. You feel great when your home look clean and presentable but you have your own reservations when we ask you to change your habits.

We don’t like desperate men – who call/text us every now and then. We like men who have got their acts together. We want you to be smart and intellectual. We want you to have your own identity so that we feel protected and secured with you. We don’t like short tempered guys who are over possessives.

We like to talk- a lot! But that doesn’t mean you should give your advice on every little thing. We like to be heard. You are free to give your opinion but please don’t insists us to do or react the way you guys use to.

Just like guys we get depressed too. And we want you to be there and be supportive. We search comfort in your humorous talk and your arms but arrogance turn us off. We like a little teasing and flirting if you are at ease with you. But don’t overdo it specially to show off in front of others.  

Lastly, we like to be cared and handled in a gracious way. However strong or dominating we may appear or pretend, deep down inside we need a person to trust and fall back on.

So guys, we are slight difficult to understand but not impossible.  

Cheers!

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PS: In case you are wondering, I am not gay J

Courage in tough times !

Courage & Strength in crisis can be drawn from various sources - family, friends, strangers or even small insects. Though, the biggest strength is sheer character & mettle which can suck on the crisis to weaken it. Its the mettle which draw strength from the crisis situation. When a normal person gets into a crisis zone he/she can either succumb to the circumstances or draw strength from situation to acquire a toughness to face it all and stand firm.

Crossroad and the dilemma of choosing correct path!

On a highway when one face a crossroad with no sign on it, the first instinct is to choose a road which is broader because one get this illusion that other one is 'the road less travelled'. However, one never actually think how many of them make it to their final destination choosing the presumably better path.We human do get influenced and illusioned  by what we see in-front and never think what is on hindsight.A broader and smooth road may seems like an easy ride but we don't give the less perfect road a second thought. 

In life we faces many such cross road without any indication as to which will take us to our destination. And our rational thinking make us choose the broader road. Though it is an equally uninformed decision that of choosing other one but we still presume we have chosen the correct one.

Changing dynamics of marriage

Marriage – an institution in which success is said to have achieved by the longevity of your stay. Where you don’t get evaluated but can still fail if you don’t do well. It a beautiful thing if you enjoy it but, will give nightmare if you try to adjust. The subject has pulled attentions of thinkers and philosophers alike. However, before one gets admission to this institution, comes a complex process -the process of soulmate search. The post is a brief attempt to narrate how in India, there is a change in dynamism in the way marriages happens in middle class society. This change is neither new nor old. It came in 70s and still new  in different pockets of society in its own way while normal in others. In depends on caste, location, attitude and several other societal factors. For example, in metro its acceptance would have come much before than a tier 2 or 3 city while a forward looking family in small town will accept it much easily than a hardcore traditional family in metros.

  In old days, there used to be grandparents who were retired from job and did not have anything else to do. So once their grand kid were about age, elders used to become matchmaker. They thought it to be their important responsibility. For some the zeal went beyond responsibility and became an obligation toward their community. India being a caste driven society, these marriages were arranged in caste and in the known families through mutual ties. Those were the days when two strangers get married first and then fell in love. It was days when romance used to flourish after marriage. When hide and seek was played behind elders at home – In kitchen and drawing room, from corners of eyes to fake coughing. It was cute and subtle. However, it was also cruel if the boy and his family is just not the right kind for girl. There was no hearing for girls and they used to accept the situation as fate. It was also the time when leeches such as caste and dowry were so deeply rooted in most part of the country.   

Then came Bolywood movies, which showed that love can be daring. The struggle seemed an integral part which made love a sacred act. The entire gamut of love was so glamorous and fascinating that youth started to make this as one important agenda in their life. Gaadi, Bangla, naukri and chokri – a self choosen one. The last being the latest addition gave backfoot to elders in family. However, Indian family were still inclined towards arranged marriage by and large. But the acceptance towards love marriage started increasing gradually. The new wave brought few good change. Caste and money were not importance in this new wave. Likeliness for each other took a front seat. Now love was seen in parks, garden,roadside,theatre and slowly getting accepted. Somewhere, even parents agreed to it mostly maturely but partly to few weird reasons. One of them being – not feeling responsible of their kids fate ahead. But majority of Indian weddings still happened through arranged or to say more appropriately - introduced set-up. Some through common relatives, some through matrimonial sites.

Strangely,  after all the effect of western culture and youth’s mad rush to follow what is easy in life marriages in India still last longest in the world. That’s because, be it love or introduced marriage, the average Indian family believes deeply in institution of marriages.

Dil me baji Guitar !

There are times you want to hear one voice in crowd, when you hope for that face to be seen. When all you want to do is to listen to every small little thing that person has to say. When you smile on the mischief and be submissive to every little pulling that one person does to you. When you leave your ego behind and become like a child. When you try to be funny, silly and stupid. Then my dear friend, you should know you are in love.  

Selfish love !

 All we hear about love is sacrifice, to let go away, giving and never demand etc. These expression rightly describes the giving nature of love. But the lines below present a different angle of love which shows its mettle to others. Love in its true sense is like coconut which is soft inside but tough from outside.

Heard these lines somewhere. Quoting it here for its subtleness and a different portrayal of love.

Pyaar se jyaada khudgarj aur kuch nahi hota. Usme na koi kurbani hoti hai na koi neqk irade.
Duniya kya kahegi, kya sahi, kya galat, usse  pyaar ko koi farqk nahi padta.
Yahi eeska raaj hai aur ye isiliye kamyab hota hai. 

Translation in english

There is nothing selfish than love. There is no sacrifice nor any decent intent in it.
What world will say, what's correct, what's wrong - its unperturbed from all these.
This is its secret and that's why it is so successful.
                                                                     
                                                                    - Cheers !
 

Surge of emotions!

Got out of theater after watching "The amazing spiderman" in Solihull town center. Checked my cell and found messages from two persons. One, whom I just started to know but won't get to know further (as message states) & another I have been knowing since couple of months and yet feel I don't know. Different context - one went apart, another seems to get closer but with increased complexity in status. 


And just then when I was thinking about why people get hurt, I hear a guitar in the cold blooded night. I threw few coins and requested the old man to sing something for me. He played  'Hotel California'. The same place, which was giving a lonely feeling, pushed me into serenity. I realized that my mood was following the thoughts running in my heart (not brain) and so was it fluctuating so narrowly. Was surprised how external drivers changed my mood. 

Sunk or burst

From the outset an iceberg and a dormant volcano doesn’t look dangerous unless it sunk or burst ?

Restless feeling !

Restless feeling! what are you?
unspoken wish or desire suppressed
a dream unshaped or hope not met

Confused I am, a string attached?
is it the reason or conflicts there are
difficult to understand, whatever it is

Thoughts abound, though tough to utter
heart stirred deep, but yet unfurled
like a pebble just thrown, in water still

Restless feeling! what are you?
how to bury the intruder unknown
show a way out, or reveal yourself.

Alive and kicking

If we start reflecting on our experiences and retrospect in light of what happened , what we missed , and what we learned to make things better, sailing through the journey called "life" will be much easier. A hurdles as big as a rock can appear like a stone if we overcome it with perseverance and zeal to live.
                                                                                                                  - alive and kicking !
                                                                                                                     amit
 

I remember

I remember, those water droplets after the evening drizzle 

still seems to be lying on leaves
eager to explore the world beyond

I remember, those long and never ending sidewalks
two souls still seems to be walking
with shadows under moonlight

I remember, the breeze that unfurled her hair
that horrible singing of her on the way
the humming still seems to be echoing


-Amit

Let it hurt

Trusting someone does not make you a looser
Because you took a leap only to miserably fall
how does it matter that it was a stone or a wall
All you can do is it to let it hurt.

I dream of you

Sorry that I kept you waiting, I am not avoiding you though

Come again and bestow your tender love.

Sorry that your call went ignored, I do recognize your voice

Alas, some noise was being fed in my ears.

It’s been tough days, I see us parting away

Affectionate, Still I am, just been difficult to express.

Be it classroom or business case, I dream of you   

They don’t let us meet; and I just yawn.

Monster(Professor) saw deep in my eyes, caught me begging of you

Fortunate I was, thus escaped a mockery in class.

You were luring me with same old charm

Perhaps the timing wasn’t just right.

Sorry that I can’t caresses you often

I have something else going on – day and night.

For you want me to cuddle and stay

All I can give you is a tiring day.

Don’t let these trying time deter your love for me

Obstacles these are, just to make love stronger.

For the history we share, for the fondness we have.  

Don’t deny me; won’t it be tough for you either? 


-Amit


Note: And that's the story of a MBA student and her love "sleep goddess" :) 

मैंने कहा शब्द से

मैंने कहा शब्द से -
शुक्रगुजार हु मैं तेरा ऐ दोस्त, क्योंकि तुम 
कभी अभिलाषा को अभिव्यक्ति की उड़ान देते हो
कभी अनुभव, तो कभी अहसास को पहचान देते हो
कभी पथिक को राह, खामोशियो को आयाम देते हो 
कभी कडवाहट की धुप, तो कभी मित्रता की छाँव देते हो | 

Social networking and its ... well, go figure !

A friend recently changed his status to ‘Single’ on FB (facebook). Comments started pouring in. His diplomatic response was – “the status field was blank and hence had to be filled”. Another friend changed his status to “in a relationship”. When asked he told there was immense pressure from his girl friend to clarify his stance (read status on FB :). These are just few examples on how inseparable the online social networking has become in our lives now. Let me clear that by no mean I am here to criticise FB or any social network as more or less I am equally active social animal :); It’s just that sometime it’s impossible to not notice few funny and silly things. This post is an attempt to see few those in a lighter view.

Social networks, let’s just take FB, were earlier used to connect with friends you usually can’t otherwise and have lost touch with. But people living in same city converse through FB. It has become an addiction. Here is one example – a friend post his updates, mostly daily happenings, at time funny, 4-5 times daily and keeps refreshing to see who all friends commented. Once I commented on a friend’s status and saw him liking it within seconds. I watched his wall for next few seconds and observed this for every comment. This was really hilarious. But trust me we all will be in similar situation sometime soon. What is funnier that after seeing this trend in social behaviour, the slow pickers (let’s call them indifferent ones) have also started picking-up. These indifferent ones feel that they might get left behind outdated, uninformed and out-casted and hence join this hoard to be in contact with active online friends.

To me writing/blogging has always been a more meaningful way to express my feelings and thoughts. But with the advent of FB and twitter more and more of feelings and emotions are posted as status- expressed in few words. Sometime he updates are faster than bullets :). One lost his wallet and instead of blocking the card and filing a report, posts it on FB first. A friend had break-up and you will get to know about it on same day. Talking of status, I am still confused about what’s the different between two similar statuses namely – ‘in a relationship’ and ‘committed’? I think both are same, but never mind. Will ask FB addicts this later :).

I hear my friend stating their addiction to FB. Some even post it boldly. And while the addicted ones post their status furiously, others taking a dig at him gets equally engrossed unknowingly. I find it fare to connect through FB but promoting it should never mean that the personal touch gets lost. At this point I will leave you to think whether its effect or side-effects of social networking? But my take is – “Let's connect first, socialize later” :)

PS: post is not meant to hurt anyone's sentiments, I am equally active on FB. Its just a sarcastic stance on the obsession with FB, and no person in particular. 

Sleepless at 19000 ft.

Life sometimes takes a sudden turn when you least expect it. From the onset, when you look at it as an observer, a strange feeling engulfs you.

This was probably my longest air journey so far. I had to take flight from Singapore to Bangkok and then connecting flight to Bangalore. My stopover of about 4 hours didn't leave me an option to see the city and hence I decided to pass the time in airport lounges. Last minute packing and the previous night gathering with friend had left me sleep deprived already. But when I reached Suvarnabhumi airport and had a cursory glance on few of the lounges, I found the ambience quite dull. Changed my plan and decided to window shop at airport duty free shops. At least that would keep me awake. To my surprise the newly built airport had plenty to keep me busy for next 4 hours.

When my flight boarded from Bangkok for Bangalore, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. An array of different scenes flashed through my closed eyes. I changed the audio channel, and rested on the one playing a soothing instrumental music. As I closed my eyes in the shelter of music, random scenes started flashing again. For a moment I tried running after those scenes which were a collection of known faces and past events. I breathed deeply and tried to capture those flashing visuals in captions.  Soon thereafter I could clearly figure out those visuals were nothing but a fast forward of my own life and its experience. Somewhat similar to a trailer from movie DhobyGhat.  

I could see these captions along with faces and events. It was difficult as they were fast and random but there were few repeating ones - career, family, friends, love, relationships and their form - in past and now, celebrations, partying-away, smiling and worried faces, words, faces showing feelings and expressions and the change in people and in particular myself. I took a mental note of those visuals on my flight TG305 to Bangalore - 19000 ft above ground and here am I putting it on writing.

While I was pondering over these thoughts, I realized that there is no fun without your loved once irrespective of wherever you go. Happiness is in sharing. At this point I thought of meeting friends in next week and family thereafter. A sense of excitement took over me. I instantly got filled with joy by the sheer thought of meeting close ones.

A week in Bangalore was expected to be exciting and fun filled - meeting friends, re-leaving good times and full of laughter. For the most part it turned different - there were surprise, bitter and cold, waiting. Rather than a time to cherish the last few days it became a difficult parting time. A few relations went south; gave me a hint that I was not invited at this phase of their lives. Priorities in lives were changed and so were friends. Even a last attempt to say goodbye was not entertained. This was also the time which forced me to see friendship and relationship in a different light. I got to know that our expectation from relationship is our biggest disappointer. I think I am learning the hard way. 

Of crush and misinterpretations.

You are going to office. Just like every other smart bachelor efficient in time management, you sleep till late; even if that means you have to skip breakfast. You catch the metro or bus almost in breathless condition.  While you hold on to door trying to gain your composure your eyes rest on a pretty girl. You blink for a moment and it’s a short story thereafter :-) Does the situation sound familiar?  Atleast to me, it does!

 Cute, smart, tall and sometime attractive enough that you can’t keep your eyes off.  God made beautiful creature – girls, and then made admirer of beauty -boys. Let me state that I am not favouring anyone here but no doubt, God blessed the two, with hearts quite different from each other. One like a safe mutual fund and other like a volatile equity.

Back to our situation, you see her. On a numerous such occasion you will have a quick look and then doze off or  may be a lightening have already struck you take a sneak peek every 2 min. This is just one phase which happens to boys at some point in their life. Lightening and awestruck. Love at first sight, crush, infatuation or the basic instinct ...whatever it may be, boys are always fast decision maker as if they are living life on edges.

But if the whole drama can be viewed in a different light, you will be amazed with what goes on the scene sometime. Here are few possible scenarios from a third person’s view.

1. She is lost in her own world when you see her first time. May be a treat for eyes for few moments before she realizes that two pair of eyes are constantly staring her. She looks back and you turn around or try to pretend to look outside window.

2. She is talking to someone over a phone call. She is probably using a handsfree. While she talks she might have a cursory glance around her surrounding which include you. At times as she talks, she would flaunt with her hair, probably even curl it 360 degree around her cheek. And if she happens to have a blank look at you while doing this act, you are flattered. It’s not a problem with us. Guys always have half knowledge about girl psychology and take this as a positive signal. Poor guys !

3. This is the third scenario while you may or may not be lucky. It depends a lot on your luck and look on a particular day. In this situation the girl actually finds out you are taking a sneak peek. She might look back at you for two reasons. First, she just wants to ensure if she knows you or you are just some random stranger who is starring her. Second, this is rare case contrary to popular myth – the girl would have no objection on you starring at her. When you look at her, she will pretend that she is not fine but, when you look through corners of your eyes, you will find her checking you out as well.  And chances are that she might gossip about this incident with her friends later.

But call it crush or infatuation... guys are like that. We think that we understand girls, just like I thought that I have captured every aspect of their psychology; but I haven’t, no one can. But still it was just a humorous attempt to capture how guys can be fooled around by their own misinterpretation and at times by girls :-)

A kid story

At 9 Aarushi was not very different from other kids of her age. Mamma’s girl who switches party, when mom is in scolding mood.  Born in a middle class family, she was brought up with great care and affection. But in- spite all the regular traits of a pampered kid she was very special. Always centre of attraction, be it home, school or any place she goes with her parents. She would always grab other’s attention as a cute looking girl with twinkle in eyes, dimples on cheek and spontaneous answers.

Being pampered demanded that her wishes get fulfilled with immediate attention. Though at time Mom would get furious on her but for the most part she will get what she want. Her intentionally made innocent look and cute acts would win everyone's heart. But too much love and affection sometime have side effects as well. She was a bit short tempered, if things doesn't go her way. At times when she insist on buying new cloths, becomes difficult for parent to handle her.


Toys were Aayushi’s fascination. All kinds of toys- dolls, train, cars, monkeys. Among all dolls, one sweet little Barbie dressed in pink was her favourite. She and her Barbie were inseparable. She would play with her, eat with her and every night sleep holding her Barbie next to her pillow.

One fine day, on way to school Aayushi saw him. He noticed her too. After that day, she used to find him everyday at the same point near bus stand. One day she didn't see him. She was sad at school and in a bad mood even when returned home. She didn't say a word to anyone and went straight to her room. When she opened the door, she saw him sitting quietly on her bed. She couldn't believe her eye and exclaimed with excitement. She jumped to bed and hugged her sweet strange friend. Her dad who was standing all the while at doorstep was smiling. Aayushi ran to her dad hugged him and said "you are the best dad in whole world".


With Chikoo's arrival, everything was diferent now. "Chikoo", yes - that’s what she named her new friend, a big teady bear which her dad gifted her. Her attention now was divided in between Barbie and Chikoo. And as any kid would have it, time spent with new toy was more in this case too.


Soon Barbie was envious of chikoo. She told aayushi that chikoo is not the correct toy for her. And that she is a girl and should rather play with other dolls. Aayushi listened to her Barbie, but could not leave chikoo. She loved Barbie too and so wanted to make peace between two. But fate had something else as the Barbie didn't quite wanted to share her space in Aayushi's life with chikoo. On the other hand, now Aayushi was bunking school to play with chikoo at home. She will give some health reason to mom and then stay at home. One weekend Aayushi's best friend and other school friend came home to meet her. Before Aayushi could meet them, her friends met Barbie. Barbie who was looking for opportunity, told them that Aayushi's new friend is taking her away from everyone else. None of the friends quite liked this newly found bond. They demanded Aayushi to choose between them and Chikoo.


Alll this drama left Aayushi in deep sadness as chikoo, besides being a soft spoken toy, was a caring friend too. She can never see Aayushi is pain. Probably that was the reason Aayushi got so much affection with him in a short while. Today, at one end it was just chikoo and at other end was Barbie and all friends. After a lot of thinking, Aayushi decided to part way from chikoo as she couldn’t leave all her dolls and friends. Chikoo was sad at this decision but didn't protest as he just wanted Aayushi to be happy. Next morning, Chikoo was dumped in the big trash box outside Aayushi’s home.


After 2 years, one day when Aayushi was shopping in a mall with her mom, she spotted a chikoo look alike teddy. A pretty girl was holding him with affection. They both were looking happy with each other. Aayushi couldn't stop herself and walked towards that girl to enquire. Aayushi asked about the teddy and got to know that girl bought it from a second hand toy shop. It was not as new but was cute enough to pull her attention. And that’s how she met him. Aayushi looked at chikoo with a mixed feeling. While she was happy that chikoo found a new home she was sad because all her friend eventually left her alone one by one. Chikoo looked into Aayushi eys with sadness, yet with affection. As if his eyes were saying Aayushi that life doesn't give a second chance to everyone. The girl moved away and chikoo and Aayushi kept starring each other till they were out of sight.


Moral of the story: Think twice before you choose who your real friends are. 


note: old story which I read to my 7 yr old niece quite sometime back, publishing it now. She loves hearing all sorts of stories from me and doesn't leaves me untill I recite/ tell her 2-3 stories daily, whenever I visit home.  

Because.... he loved

Being loved by someone makes you feel special.....while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Courage to stand against all odds....to sacrifice... to love selflessly, and not to complain loosing it, no matter how desperately you want it back.

This is what Aayush was trying to tell himself while still struggling to catch sleep after a tiring day at office. He thought - why he simply can’t rub off all the memories like equations in school board. Why these unsolved questions of life hurt more than teacher’s punishment. And why he can’t forget this as a bad chapter he could not understood. Go to sleep buddy, you have office in the morning. But he lost in memory lane again.

                                        After passing out from engineering college, Aayush got himself totally engrossed in the new job. His life was mechanical; slog in office till late, come back home at night, check mail and sleep – same routine life everyday. He has minimum social interaction now. When friends complain, he would say sorry and hang up. Mom will call sometime and ask about how he is and whether he is eating well or not. Over several weeks he has lost sleep and was having irregular diet. It was when his colleagues started asking if he is not well he realized that he was getting dark circles.

                      Everyday night, waiting for the sleep goddess, he thinks of college days and tries to delete few sad memories. But tonight, her call after a long time made him restless. He couldn’t sleep at all. Memories of his last day of college came alive. He still remembers when he had asked Ruchi to meet him at college canteen. His batch was celebrating their last lunch and gossip session of college life. While girls were busy filling book, boys were writing (and few colouring) on each other’s shirt. Finally he waved past them and ran out of canteen to meet Ruchi who had just reached there.

                               He was surprised that Ruchi was wearing suit that day. He always liked her in traditional Indian formals while she liked casual attires. He smiled as he knew it was one last favour and sped up to catch up with her as they move towards bakery. Aayush had to always order ice-creams as Ruchi wanted to have more than one flavour. Though he was not an ice-cream fan, but knowing that she would anyway snatch his also, he happily orders one of her favourite. Today, surprisingly she didn’t order anything and asked Aayush to decide. Aayush ordered one big Sunday with three different flavour and two spoons. They sat down and looked around. It was weird that they couldn’t start a conversation for initial few mins and were just blankly staring the table. Aayush desperately wanted her to say something today he thought ‘common please speak up’. Ruchi looked up in and pushed the ice-cream towards him.

                                                                                                                               Aayush had already tried to convince her many times. Aayush had decided to not to bring the topic again and was trying to be at his humours best, especially after seeing her sad mood. Suddenly, he saw tears rolling down her eyes. At first he tried to avoid them but she wouldn’t stop. She was not even crying but tears wouldn’t simply stop. Aayush tried to console her but broke out himself after few minutes. Aayush knew she wanted to say a lot of thing but she won’t. The talkative Auyush himself wasn’table to utter a single word. They were all tears and holding each other’s hand for next few mins. It was one of those moments when they both were silent yet talking, through their weeping eyes.

Remembering you !

Please don’t go, I can’t bear this separation

Wait! Are you really far, or is it just an illusion?

I see pain in you, when you being rude or practical

you may try to hide; I know it wasn’t intentional.

You may pretend that you don’t care anymore

you think, you can fool me, just like your sweet allure?

You may expect otherwise, but I can’t hate you

no matter how hard I try, yes I still miss you.

Though, I hate to love you, everyday and still

is it your affection, or just me against my will.

It hurts when you can’t accept me in your world now

for what we had was bliss, magic, simple yet how.

I am confused, will it make easier if I just lie

should I listen to you, alas I can't let you die.

Why you have such a big heart, don’t you sink

for you love me and tell me not to, and just wink

I know how tougher it makes for you to resist

When you weep inside, pretend and just insist.

Sorry for how weak I am making your resolve

I can’t help it but to let myself dissolve.

This hope is all I have, after your sustained denials

that you may change your mind after several trials.

Please forgive me for I have loved you, but couldn't selflessly

the reason why, I simply can’t let you go easily.

Night long thoughts, your memories, the endless race

Come soon, for I am waiting, Oh my grace!

Random frames of human nature

A foreword - Please forgive me for my random, unplanned and illogical flow in this post, as the way life is sometimes - hazy, weird and restless. And this is me trying to recall and put together few thoughts, feelings, observations and hard learning.

Life doesn’t treat us same always; while there are spring and autumn, there is dark cold winter too. But then, that’s life. It has its own way of making us realize worth of everything (or everyone) it gives or snatches away from us.

There is nothing complex than a human behavior. Recollecting some random frames I could capture, and an attempt to look at them from a critic point of view.

Glorifying problems: We all crib about our problems. Be it health, job, relationship, situations or wherever we found circumstances not favorable to us. Yes, we are human and we do have our share of problems and issues.  Sometimes we brave them, but mostly, we crib. Surprisingly, to human, what becomes more painstaking than the problem itself is, when others don’t pay much attention to our problems? Everyone has problems in life. True, Life is not a path full of roses. Still, human tendency is to glorify pain and suffering as a unique feat just as victories and achievements. We feel getting consoled and healed if get listened to. No, there is nothing wrong in sharing or discussing problems, but it just start getting worse when the intention behind it is to gain sympathy. In due course, we weaken our inner strength and loose the fighting spirit. Quite a common phenomenon it is, however still, human are pretty obsessed with it. And strangely enough, it is like an addiction. Once you are habituated, you really need to get a recharge of extreme will and positive minds – a rare commodity amidst difficult times.  

Expectations: Our expectations in every walk of life, a strange human behavior. It’s weird but human mind sometime gets obsessed with it. Most of the time it has a strong base on which it grows. More the expectation, more the anxiety. Though, unlike software versions, any upgradation in real life is non reversible, atleast not acceptable easily. Be it life style and your experience with job, relationships etc. Once you have seen best of these it is difficult to accept the degradation. The culprit here is expectation which sets itself at the uppermost level one achieves in life on every front. To be more elaborative - a good work environment, great friend circle and a loving companion and money off course. We need best of everything and are disappointed if expectations are not met on any front

Relationship: Sometime in movies, couple separates because, lack of effervescence in their relationship. They would show, how after an awesome living, comes a time of cribbing, quarrel, conflicts and most awkwardly silence. It is also true that no matter how much hard you try to put things back together, there would be something lacking. In times like this, even the grey shades starts creeping up - anger, frustration and ego. In situations like these, time seems to be the best healer. Parting a distance works to get closer later.    

Response to Change: Strange but how contextual treatment change gets from people. It is never taken in same way always. People might read all sort of motivational books on how one should not get affected by change and adjust fast to it. At the same time anything monotonous seems to kill people, especially in job and day to day life. People mould their likeliness towards it according to need.  Hence, while on one hand a trip or long vacation is all one look for to get a change(read break) from routine life, it is not a desirable  thing when one  is in his/her comfort zone, especially with job, location, friends and food. We don’t accept a change in these things easily and it takes us a long time to adjust.   

Though human nature is quite difficult to understand, it’s the most beautiful and intelligent creation of God. We posses these complex behaviors and can still live with them.  I am no different from others.

First summer rain

Seeing the pleasant whether outside I couldn’t deny the possibility of an early rain. I decided to leave office a bit early. Just when I was walking out of security gate, few tiny water drops fell on my cheek. I looked up towards the sky and found dark clouds hovering over. Few more steps and it stared drizzling. I thought, I could be safe only when I board the bus as it would be the air conditioned and hence completely glass shielded. I started running towards the bus stop to catch my bus. Suddenly, a pleasant aroma stuck my nostril and I stopped running. I stood there to recollect this familiar odour and didn’t took me long to recollect that it was the odour of thirsty soil after first few drops of summer rain. I looked around and found people running towards bus stop to get shelter. However, I could walk only in slow motion, mesmerized by that aroma and changing colour of soil as drops grew heavier.


I boarded the bus and hooked from the window seat to watch the probable rain and changing nature closely. Staring outside from that glass window I felt closer to the nature for the first time in this city full of pollution and traffic jams now. My otherwise volatile thoughts evaporated. All I could see was rain, clouds, wet roads and happy people. And the thought became subtle - with idea of getting wet in rain and then spending the evening with someone close.

Below are the thoughts I was sharing the window seat with, on that amazing experience of witnessing first drizzling in summer. Please excuse me for my rhyming :-) I am not good at it.

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

Pleasant aroma of drenched soil

there is eavesdropping on glass window

and music is striking chord within my soul

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

It couldn’t have been a better soothing effect

Dancing tree are expressing their gratitude

and sun is peaking from dark clouds once again

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

You felt like melted crystal from heaven

Is it God’s way of purifying our heart

Or washing away grief and sin.

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

Please become mightier and come again! 

Though, drops didn’t grow heavier and it only drizzled, this first sight of rain in summer was enough to cheer up everyone. The rain also inspired me to have forgiveness and to see life in a new and fresh perspective.

moving inches..

Strange it may sound, but sometime extreme situations in life can have unpredictable effects. You might get numb to adversities or might start drawing strength from them. Though, it’s not a matter of choice most of the time as our situation driven thoughts prevalently mold our state of mind. However, sometime our soul takes the call too, and not based on any kind of impression or random thought, but on pure instinct and the tiny positive light within us.

There were thoughts and experiences, I wanted to capture in ‘meaningful and explicit ways’ (read words) since last few weeks. But my inner conflict and nonchalant mind were incapable of holding onto indifferent thoughts. Not that I was awestruck by this state of mind, but didn’t realized it until I reached its extreme. But then, like stock market, there is a self recovery mode for human soul as well; for me, it luckily was. While I might not able to do justice with the promise I did to myself in this post, I think an attempt sounds better than trying.Thus here I am, moving inches towards the effort due on me.

phir kya hoga uske baad

Life’s rat race can really leave you wondering about the very purpose of it. One evening, sharing the same sentiments, a close friend and I went for an evening walk to get some fresh air. That’s our boy way of getting relived from a mounting tension or a bad day. In due course of our long chat we both became a little philosophical about the life. Various stages of life or whatever we have done or doing or will be doing and the very purpose behind it.  It seemed that we are betraying ourselves with the way we have chosen our directions in life. We realize that our passion is different from our bread and butter, but may be what we curse liabilities or responsibilities for, could have been lack of choices in early stages.    

However, monthly package and luxurious life could be an illusion initially, but you can’t keep bribing your soul forever. Sooner or later it just takes few emotionally weak moments to make you realize that what you are doing with your life. Was this you always wanted for yourself? Or does whatever you do makes you happy? Or where does this all ends? It not only about work, but also about fulfilling expectation and obligations throughout our lives.  What makes mind volatile is the fact that we don’t even know where it ends? On the same note my friend recalled a Kavita (Hindi poem) we have read in our school days. We couldn’t recall the exact lines but we knew it was very relevant to our situation in life today. I made it a point to search the same old poem. Sharing the same poem in next few lines, which was beautifully written by Balkrishna Rao. In this poem, an anxious boy is asking his mom about life and what it holds for him.

Utsuk ho kar shishu ne puchha,
'Maa, kya hoga uske baad ?'

Ravi se ujjval, shashi se sundar,
nav-kislay dal se komaltar
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad

Pal bhar mukh par smiti rekha
khel gayi phir maa ne dekha
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad

Phir nabh se nakshatra manohar
swarg lok se utar utar kar
tere shishu banne ko mere
ghar aayenge uske baad

Mere naye khiloune lekar
chale na jaayein ve apne ghar
chintit ho kar uthha, kintu phir
puchha shishu ne uske baad ?

Ab maa ka jee oob chuka thha
harsh shranti mein doob chuka thha
boli phir mai boodhi ho kar
mar jaoongi uske baad

Ye sun kar bhar aaye lochan
kintu ponchh kar unhein usi kshan
sahaj kautuhal se phir shishu ne puchha,
maa kya hoga uske baad

Kavi ko balak ne sikhlaya
sukh dukh hai pal bhar ki maya
hai anant tatwa ka prashna ye
phir kya hoga uske baad?

One lost soul

I didn’t have any respite yet; as I walked back to my flat, feeling a potential explosion inside. It was already dark when I left my room for a walk; to get away from my gloomy state I was in that Sunday evening; and in the hope that fresh air might do the trick.

I walked towards the main street with a heavy heart and glum face, hoping that a few more step could help me regain my composure. It was one of those moments when my mind was a silent spectator as I could sense that I absolutely had no thoughts whatsoever. Though, my heart was in a capricious state. While the subconscious me kept walking down the main street, I came to senses by a near miss accident as I was about to be run over by two parallel running cars. For safety, I came off the main street and tried to gather my thoughts.

In next few minutes my mind started functioning and I could make out few reasons for this hibernation i.e. what my status was. I realized that a tensed mind is a far better situation then a lost soul. I knew that I was manipulating human behaviors; anger, frustration and loneliness- yes, these are mounting inside me by every passing day. I couldn’t throw them out, neither could I share. And most of the time it seemed inappropriate or immature to pour this depression to someone else. On top of this, belonging to youth fraternity has its own disadvantage. Self- centered, impatience and materialistic nature - these comes as by product. So by this context I had to suppress my desire and interest too, under the bricks of expectations, responsibility and sacrifice.

Though I was reluctant to listen to this inner selfish me, but somewhere deep down I had sympathy with it too. I was having so much in my heart to say, but nothing but a silence in return. And silence as I have learned to live with; I admit, is a lost companion itself. It just helps in keeping you isolated when you are a depressed soul and an agitated mind. Silence is no remedy. And to me, it is nothing but a speed breaker or a comma which keeps a talk or exchange of words in suspending state. It helps avoiding conflicts but does even worse; it makes one pretend that nothing happened and tries to put a lid on one’s volcanic state of mind. People might say It’s a better then “practically no communication” but what we don’t know is that the silence slowly starts growing inside us and sometime gets bigger than us and our relationships.

Rest …...later…….as I am still learning to live with it, in the hope to fight and win over it.

Farewell

I woke up today and sensed mixed feelings hovering around me.  As I switch gears in my professional life today, waves of nostalgia stirred and then engulfed my mind for few minutes and I lost deep in thoughts. Thoughts - about the place, the people and the time spent together.  

I sat down to write my good bye mail to colleagues and in due course realized that every good thing should end to make the experience a memorable one. One should must move on to newer and greater thing in life. And even though no matter how much we resist the change, it’s the only constant thing in life. With these feelings my thought became subtle as I could realize.    

To meet n depart is d way of life. But to depart n meet is d hope of life. We meet to create memories, but we depart to preserve it.

And to all such minds who share the same sentiments, here are the words of wisdom:

A farewell is necessary before we meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.

Cheers!