Dil, dosti etc.@midnight

After my first interaction with “Quarter life crisis” (read here ), I accidentally read few more articles on it in newspapers. At first, I thought I am being conscious about it but, later came to realization that it’s just the enlightened me who now finds it more realistic and an interesting read.
        My intention in this post is not to elaborate my readings on Quarter life crisis, but to share a recent facet I noticed in context with few of its main catalysts and time when they become active .…………read on!
I used to blame emotional instability one of prime reason for Quarter life crisis, which indeed, it still is, but my perception has taken a whole new dimension in light of few real life examples. Above all, I wonder if our emotional quotient increases at midnight or it’s the darkness or emptiness of night which gives us courage to speak our heart out.
             “Life is boring without girlfriend/boyfriend”, I heard this monotonic line from a lot of friends (mainly its boys who says this, trust me folks - girls have lot more choices). A majority of them think- having company of an opposite sex in your life is the only way out from depression. I felt this quite convincing and compulsive a reason to start believing until few behavioural examples broadened my thinking and stopped me to jump into any premature conclusions.
First one, a friend calling @ 12 am. She had a huge fight with her boy friend that evening and is upset. You are the one she will call and would like to get listen and get consoled. No one else at this time can fill in for you. Not only when fought, even if she is depressed or not in good mood; you wonder what is it that makes her feels you will have answers for all her worries (and foul cry at times ). You become an emotional pillar on many such instances when she wakes you up at midnight.
               Another one, an old friend staying with her girl friend in live-in relationship calls you up @ 2 am and says he is missing you a lot. You equally cherish his friendship and can be nostalgic about good old times, but wait a min – you know he lives in same city and just a call away. So what is this guy really doing at this hour? As you suspected , turned out- the guys is boozing and finds you more appropriate to share his worries and craps till wee hours in the morning.
             Take examples of a school friend, who had been into a perfect relationship for long time but got betrayed. He gets emotional at times and calls at night to just talk and share his heart-burn. The same guy will hang-out with you tomorrow, screaming at top of his voice on any party number. Not because he is not the same guy but because his emotional quotient isn’t that high this time.
                             I am no different here. At times, I get lost into memories- of good times … college life, night outs with friends and hang outs with lady luck. But, I do realize that emotional instability can’t be attributed to one single reason. Human nature is very unpredictable and so is our heart, when it long for emotional stability to compensate for any void created due to past memories or any unfulfilled dreams or hopes. Though, now I know that, the factors that trigger sense of emotional instability are different for every person at different point of time but, I really wonder … what prevails our thoughts and why.....and above all-  why @ midnight?

Liberal smiles and We the People

Few days back, I went out for dinner on a Sunday evening along with my roomy and a lady friend. We didn’t had reservation at the restaurant at it was finalized at the last moment. Quite predictable it was, we had to wait outside just like so many other folks (guys n gals) waiting for a table. While a surrounding with girls always prompt my lady friend to ask me to pick one, I wasn’t in mood to be teased easily. I gave a cursory glance around and expressed my disapproval, not because I didn’t like any, but simply because I didn’t wanted to be an easy target for the next 15 minutes.“How about guys? They look cool”, my friend said. Now this was not expected. Both my roomy and I was amazed at her wittiness. Managing the sudden awkwardness thrown at us, we looked at guys, turned towards her and said “On an unbiased opinion, YES! They are far better than the girls they are standing with.” On this all of us laughed out loud. The next few minutes our smiles were revolving around scenes from movie Dostana and life after 377. There was a moment towards the end of that long gossip when I blinked and realized our generation is really getting liberal.

Now this conclusion was not drawn until my next few observations.
Take the first one – my office cab. I share a valuable 2 hours daily in cab with my colleagues, of which a few are also usual acquaintance on tea breaks. Now, one of the guys in cab is always late and makes us wait atleast 5-10 minutes. Because of the good rapport our cab mates share we never told him anything rude or harsh but always used to tell him to be punctual from next time. Recently, a cab mate got irritated from him and asked if he is doing some extra work at home. The response he gave was that he sleeps late and gets so tired that can’t wake early. On this question the chorus blame was on his character and an accusation of being gay. However, the sudden twist in the tale didn’t deter this guy’s to be less witty and he was equally sportive in entertaining the accusation.

2^nd one: Two junior male colleagues who often found roaming together in shopping malls, starring at hot chicks are latest victim of 377. In their circle, female friends feed their hunger for laughter by mentioning about these inseparable entities.

Just years back, talking about homosexuality in public was an offense. Now it’s one of the topics to pull legs in friend circle just like crushes and affairs. We are confident about our identity and don’t bother to be pointed as a gay or lesbians in sarcastic gossips among friends. Not to mention, article 377 has suddenly made it more open a topic of discussion among every class of society. Be it social talk shows, print media, colleagues in cubicles or cab and friend circles. Gossiping about homosexuality is the latest addition in humour genre.

At times amid all the chaos in my cab I think: This is true liberalization of thoughts, where a serious topic like this gives a reason to people to smile. No one takes offense in getting pulled into any accusation whatsoever. We cut jokes, we pull legs, and we laugh madly. We the people, have really come off age.

Es raat ki subah nahi - II

Catch the first part here

After the initial hiccups they reached Mukul’s home where Mukul in his trademark style was pretending to hold an anguish face for them. They met him, and as decided, shown some respect to his anger for self defense. They were happy that they reached before shailendra and now he is the one who will be the “torch bearer”. They waited for Mukul in porch, just then Shailendra called for status update while he was on way. They asked him to hurry up. Mukul appeared in groom’s dress and joined the gang who by the time was ready with their arsenals to bless him. Once he was standing with the gang they all were having a gala time with the divine leg pulling session. Shalindra joined in the meantime and finished his quota of divinity. It was time for Baraat to leave Mukul’s place and to reach the point from where it was supposed to march ahead.
Our heroes somehow got a car and bumped-in, trying hard to manage their ass inside it. Thankfully this ride wasn’t long enough to intensify their pain; but they ran for fag as soon as the car dropped them at the destination. They got charged up with masala coke and “the mrit sanjeevani” (cigarette) and joined Baraat for which they were supposed to be the show stopper.

And they didn’t disappoint either; right from bhangra to old classics, and then break dance to “snake dance” they danced on every form and on every song the band played. Seeing their extreme enthusiasm and strange wildness no one had a doubt that they were not drunk. They danced and danced till last breath of energy during that short while which was merely 200 meter away from the point where baraat stated. It took around an hour to cover the stretch and Baraat approached its destination; and like sunlight fading at dusk our heros disappered. Leveraging this known opportunity they went in a corner away from sight of junta to have their mrit sanjeevani again.
All this while there was one common friend missing which they all have promised to meet soon. They appeared in baarat again which was being greeted. They discussed the possibility of meeting this common friend asap. Few of them wanted to invite this common friend in baraat as well but there was a lack of consensus. But now they all wanted to celebrate Mukul’s wedding in a grand way with this friend. So they all left the wedding for a local plash hotel which was decided as the venue to celebrate. They set down on hotel’s bar (if you are still guessing…yes Daru was their common friend), ordered and then toasted for Mukul and his marriage. As tonight Mukul was priority, they ordered only 2-3 drinks after that and then decided to leave. Another sutta session and then our boys, who were in elegant attires, were waving to autos standing in front of that plash hotel.

to be continued....

Quarter life crisis

God… I am so hungry and can’t wait to get home…that was the thought I was having ..when I left office that day….a usual routine for me….reached home late and rang the bell…suddenly realized…oh its me alone in flat tonight as my flatmate left for a trip. ahh..I hate to use my keys…anyway first thing I did was to throw my shoes, got in my shorts and ran to kitchen to check what is there to eat today. Finding nothing great in food I switched TV on as if it would spice up my food and started changing channels. Finally I landed to a channel which was showing a strange movie. I changed channel and moved on to MTV to watch its late night shows (generally roadies or spltivilla) but don’t know if it was curiosity or something, I swept back to the same movie. The movie which seemed like a thriller turned out to be a phscho one with a homicide maniac killing innocent tourist brutally who gets trapped in a deserted area with no sight of any population. Hoping to see the escape of main cast, I watched it till end but, to my disappointment, it turned out to be a killing spree without a single escape.
Notheless to say I had screwed my sleep and mood too. I picked up the daily news paper which I generally get to read at night. After gazing through a few pages my eyes halted on an article. Here is what I read in next few lines.

At 26, Aashish had a well paying job a middle range car and a good apartment on rent he could mange easily. Yet he was not happy, had a feeling of emptiness inside and self-doubt. At times, he simply wanted to give it all up and go back to his college days. It was quarter life crisis, according to doctor.

and I thoughts...there are hundreds of such youngsters-alone, insecure,stressed, nostalgic and frustrated with their routine life, work and relationships. Just when I was lost in thoughts, a friend called. She was feeling low and depressed, and was having a close encounter with nostalgia for old times spent together. And a generally candid and joly me became nostalgic, which, later on turned to sadness once she dropped the phone off after sharing her feeling. Oh its 1’o clock ...lets hit bed and get some sleep before maid wake me up in the morning just when you are in deepest sleep, I murmured. But tonight was different, as soon as I laid on bed a tide of thoughts hit me hard and then it didn’t seems to stop. I don’t know where they all came from at this time of night but I couldn’t do anything to stop or suppress them. The tide swept me along and took me down the memory lane. I started seeing a few events in past with my closed eyes.
The thoughts were so strong but still there wasn’t any single event or thought which I could hold long enough to ponder over or to draw some conclusion as to why or where my turbulent mind… or shall I rather say heart , want to take me along. I tried hard to shut the door for this sea of thoughts, but even my closed eyes were acting as a catalyst to get submerged in them. I knew this feeling, as I have heard about this from few friends who have had quite a few sleepless nights. But hey wait….I am not in love….not atleast now….then what is this…is this the “Qurter life crisis” which everyone in some point of their bachelor life goes through or is it just me? Let’s just think about myself as I am not too sure about others.
The chain of thought begins with few beautiful moments post college life and then traversed back tro and fro in random order. All these while I was still struggling with my chalant mind to not to think anything further and to concentrate on sleeping…you heard it right…I know you don’t do that often…we never have to try to sleep as its one of those few natural things human beings are gifted to keep forever…and specially not when you leave office after being drenched and exhausted...but, today it seemed to be drifting away from me. The harder I tried, tougher it got. I never felt this helpless for my will and had to surrender to my thoughts or should I say something I don’t know.
I felt so unsecured and thought of calling someone whom I can talk for few minutes to divert my attention from my current state so that I can resume my subconscious state…yes I said it right…I didn’t wanted be conscious at this time and wanted to rest in thoughtless state. I picked my cell and started rolling over numbers....its was past 1:40 am and was difficult to find any family member or friend. This made me feel more helpless and for a split second my inner self appeared (like one of those in movies) and asked me…dude what are you doing? You are not this week that you need other’s words to get some sleep…just get your acts together and keep all these wild thoughts at bay, if you can’t torment them.
This self resort seems like a rescuer for just few seconds as the prevailing thoughts suppressed it in no times. Now to my surprise a few of my senses were still alive which prompted me to think about the reason of this tsunami within myself. Was it a “feeling blue factor” for something or is it a by product of some mirage I am after to. Finally, I called one of the best friend, whom I can call any time day-night, and explained my situation, hoping to get a way out of this trauma. He told me to pour my heart out and jot down my thoughts. He has been asking me to write since a long time but couldn’t get anything out of this lazy chap….oh that’s me!!! But this time I nodded and turned my laptop on. I don’t know what was going on inside but I decided I will write.
Pondered over a few minutes, on what to write? At this point I realized, something has not only taken control over my mind but my thinking as well. These invincible thoughts will not let me choose what I wanted to, not atleast in my conscious state. But that’s the whole point. I wanted to get into unconscious state… I wanted to sleep or atleast, write something or do something but want to get away with these thoughts.
My roomie was looking at me angrily.
Roomie: “where were you? I have been ringing bell for past 10 mins. Gave you several calls but you didn’t pick-up.”
Me: “was sleeping yar, sorry!”
Roomie: “Your sleep resemble that of kumbhkarna…( giggles ). And why are you sleeping in hall among mosquitos with Televison on , and on this paper? “

I realized, I slept on the paper with the same article page open. I tried to remember what happened at night. What a weird dream, I thought, a bit scared too.

I said : “ nothing yar, just a quarter life crisis.”

Es raat ki subhah nahi

"Gaadi Roko" Amit was shouting at top of his voice. Sandeep went a step ahead and stood in the middle of road to grab attention on any passing by vehicle. This otherwise plash and busy road was never unfriendly or unknown; atleast to Shailendra and Amit as this was their home town, but then it was 2:00 am in a cold December night. Rishabh lit up a cigarette while obliging the road divider; Shailendra asked Sandeep to stop the heroic which according to him could lead to an unpleasant sight. With the last fag an auto appears from the other side of road and they all waved together at their rescuer.
With a sigh of relief they jumped inside the auto and asked the driver to take them to any hotel where they can get a room for the night. As the driver pulled the kick they all felt the thump of engine and one just kicked inside, but decided to glue to the silence of night.
Oh yes…if you wondering who these people are… let me introduce the characters: Shailendra, Amit, Rishabh and Sandeep. Shailendra and Amit were locals while Sandeep was from nearby town. Rishabh was having his first encounter with the city which he wouldn’t count among good ones. They all reached this city for their friend Mukul’s wedding.
Flashback…..
“Where are you guys….when are you reaching…why the hell you guys came here if you are not with me” Mukul was shouting on the poor Rishabh who happened to pick up the call. “We are waiting for Amit, he is taking bath” was Rishabh’s quick reply - this was one of the moment where Rishabh’s spontaneity came handy. Anyway after a while Amit appeared with food (to show that he didn’t took all this time in bath) and got the unhappy note Mukul left for all. He called Shailendra and asked to pre-pone the time they were scheduled to meet. Sandeep had earlier suggested meeting at CCD and then to join Baraat from there instead of going to Mukul’s place which, seemed a nice idea to all. So after Mukul’s alarming call they decided to reach Mukul’s place at earliest and informed Shailendra their revised plan.


To be continued.......

Brave new world

Ever wondered why college life is so beautiful and ever unforgettable ? Truth lies in its effervescence which revives the great time whenever we recall those days. Time moves on and so does we, to achieve what those twinkle eyes had been dreaming of since college days,to do something different or rather do things differently; and a zeal to succeed the journey of dreams begins.
Now comes a world where we are so much occupied with our work, the rat race and all those rules and mechanical lifestyle we live with. We explore new things , sees the world , knows people from diverse fields and does a lot of stuffs. We make friends , we forget few, few becomes friend- forever, we take risk, we stand for something, for someone. We face challenges and lives for our dream. In college each of these feelings were so different; Whatever we did, we used to do it straight from the heart. There was no professionalism in friendship, no formality in having lunch together, no hassle to get back to your room at night, no worry of a fixed amount getting credited in your account monthly, no fear of getting your name pulled up with a classmate, no fear in eating in those roadside hawkers which now doesn't seems hyginic, no fear of project getting due till last week.

However, all this said and done, at times I think college days were shielded by a feel of comfort and carelessness, far away from the ground reality, which one realizes once they are over it. Though one always miss those days and becomes nostalgic about old time. May be because, we had nothing to worry about, no rat race and moreover no responsibility - even toward ourselves. But what we learn outside college is the courage and belief to achieve. We take strengths and mantle from our achievements and aspire to overcome all hurdles and carry on the journey with the same enthusiasm.

The End.


...an old post which I wrote long time ago, after college days.....