Enlightenment

Alive and kicking

2012-02-04T03:30:00.000+08:00

If we start reflecting on our experiences and retrospect in light of what happened , what we missed , and what we learned to make things better, sailing through the journey called "life" will be much easier. A hurdles as big as a rock can appear like a stone if we overcome it with perseverance and zeal to live.
- alive and kicking !
amit

I remember

2011-08-21T06:02:00.001+08:00

I remember, those water droplets after the evening drizzle

still seems to be lying on leaves
eager to explore the world beyond

I remember, those long and never ending sidewalks
two souls still seems to be walking
with shadows under moonlight

I remember, the breeze that unfurled her hair
that horrible singing of her on the way
the humming still seems to be echoing

-Amit

Let it hurt

2011-08-20T03:58:00.002+08:00

Trusting someone does not make you a looser
Because you took a leap only to miserably fall
how does it matter that it was a stone or a wall
All you can do is it to let it hurt.

I dream of you

2011-02-01T21:39:00.004+08:00

Sorry that I kept you waiting, I am not avoiding you though

Come again and bestow your tender love.

Sorry that your call went ignored, I do recognize your voice

Alas, some noise was being fed in my ears.

It’s been tough days, I see us parting away

Affectionate, Still I am, just been difficult to express.

Be it classroom or business case, I dream of you

They don’t let us meet; and I just yawn.

Monster(Professor) saw deep in my eyes, caught me begging of you

Fortunate I was, thus escaped a mockery in class.

You were luring me with same old charm

Perhaps the timing wasn’t just right.

Sorry that I can’t caresses you often

I have something else going on – day and night.

For you want me to cuddle and stay

All I can give you is a tiring day.

Don’t let these trying time deter your love for me

Obstacles these are, just to make love stronger.

For the history we share, for the fondness we have.

Don’t deny me; won’t it be tough for you either?

-Amit

Note: And that's the story of a MBA student and her love "sleep goddess" :)

मैंने कहा शब्द से

2010-12-30T15:44:00.000+08:00

मैंने कहा शब्द से -
शुक्रगुजार हु मैं तेरा ऐ दोस्त, क्योंकि तुम
कभी अभिलाषा को अभिव्यक्ति की उड़ान देते हो
कभी अनुभव, तो कभी अहसास को पहचान देते हो
कभी पथिक को राह, खामोशियो को आयाम देते हो
कभी कडवाहट की धुप, तो कभी मित्रता की छाँव देते हो |

Social networking and its ... well, go figure !

2010-12-21T19:17:00.011+08:00

A friend recently changed his status to ‘Single’ on FB (facebook). Comments started pouring in. His diplomatic response was – “the status field was blank and hence had to be filled”. Another friend changed his status to “in a relationship”. When asked he told there was immense pressure from his girl friend to clarify his stance (read status on FB :). These are just few examples on how inseparable the online social networking has become in our lives now. Let me clear that by no mean I am here to criticise FB or any social network as more or less I am equally active social animal :); It’s just that sometime it’s impossible to not notice few funny and silly things. This post is an attempt to see few those in a lighter view.

Social networks, let’s just take FB, were earlier used to connect with friends you usually can’t otherwise and have lost touch with. But people living in same city converse through FB. It has become an addiction. Here is one example – a friend post his updates, mostly daily happenings, at time funny, 4-5 times daily and keeps refreshing to see who all friends commented. Once I commented on a friend’s status and saw him liking it within seconds. I watched his wall for next few seconds and observed this for every comment. This was really hilarious. But trust me we all will be in similar situation sometime soon. What is funnier that after seeing this trend in social behaviour, the slow pickers (let’s call them indifferent ones) have also started picking-up. These indifferent ones feel that they might get left behind outdated, uninformed and out-casted and hence join this hoard to be in contact with active online friends.

To me writing/blogging has always been a more meaningful way to express my feelings and thoughts. But with the advent of FB and twitter more and more of feelings and emotions are posted as status- expressed in few words. Sometime he updates are faster than bullets :). One lost his wallet and instead of blocking the card and filing a report, posts it on FB first. A friend had break-up and you will get to know about it on same day. Talking of status, I am still confused about what’s the different between two similar statuses namely – ‘in a relationship’ and ‘committed’? I think both are same, but never mind. Will ask FB addicts this later :).

I hear my friend stating their addiction to FB. Some even post it boldly. And while the addicted ones post their status furiously, others taking a dig at him gets equally engrossed unknowingly. I find it fare to connect through FB but promoting it should never mean that the personal touch gets lost. At this point I will leave you to think whether its effect or side-effects of social networking? But my take is – “Let's connect first, socialize later” :)

PS: post is not meant to hurt anyone's sentiments, I am equally active on FB. Its just a sarcastic stance on the obsession with FB, and no person in particular.

Sleepless at 19000 ft.

2010-12-21T19:08:00.002+08:00

Life sometimes takes a sudden turn when you least expect it. From the onset, when you look at it as an observer, a strange feeling engulfs you.

This was probably my longest air journey so far. I had to take flight from Singapore to Bangkok and then connecting flight to Bangalore. My stopover of about 4 hours didn't leave me an option to see the city and hence I decided to pass the time in airport lounges. Last minute packing and the previous night gathering with friend had left me sleep deprived already. But when I reached Suvarnabhumi airport and had a cursory glance on few of the lounges, I found the ambience quite dull. Changed my plan and decided to window shop at airport duty free shops. At least that would keep me awake. To my surprise the newly built airport had plenty to keep me busy for next 4 hours.

When my flight boarded from Bangkok for Bangalore, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. An array of different scenes flashed through my closed eyes. I changed the audio channel, and rested on the one playing a soothing instrumental music. As I closed my eyes in the shelter of music, random scenes started flashing again. For a moment I tried running after those scenes which were a collection of known faces and past events. I breathed deeply and tried to capture those flashing visuals in captions. Soon thereafter I could clearly figure out those visuals were nothing but a fast forward of my own life and its experience. Somewhat similar to a trailer from movie DhobyGhat.

I could see these captions along with faces and events. It was difficult as they were fast and random but there were few repeating ones - career, family, friends, love, relationships and their form - in past and now, celebrations, partying-away, smiling and worried faces, words, faces showing feelings and expressions and the change in people and in particular myself. I took a mental note of those visuals on my flight TG305 to Bangalore - 19000 ft above ground and here am I putting it on writing.

While I was pondering over these thoughts, I realized that there is no fun without your loved once irrespective of wherever you go. Happiness is in sharing. At this point I thought of meeting friends in next week and family thereafter. A sense of excitement took over me. I instantly got filled with joy by the sheer thought of meeting close ones.

A week in Bangalore was expected to be exciting and fun filled - meeting friends, re-leaving good times and full of laughter. For the most part it turned different - there were surprise, bitter and cold, waiting. Rather than a time to cherish the last few days it became a difficult parting time. A few relations went south; gave me a hint that I was not invited at this phase of their lives. Priorities in lives were changed and so were friends. Even a last attempt to say goodbye was not entertained. This was also the time which forced me to see friendship and relationship in a different light. I got to know that our expectation from relationship is our biggest disappointer. I think I am learning the hard way.

Of crush and misinterpretations.

2010-11-11T09:47:00.004+08:00

You are going to office. Just like every other smart bachelor efficient in time management, you sleep till late; even if that means you have to skip breakfast. You catch the metro or bus almost in breathless condition. While you hold on to door trying to gain your composure your eyes rest on a pretty girl. You blink for a moment and it’s a short story thereafter :-) Does the situation sound familiar? Atleast to me, it does!

Cute, smart, tall and sometime attractive enough that you can’t keep your eyes off. God made beautiful creature – girls, and then made admirer of beauty -boys. Let me state that I am not favouring anyone here but no doubt, God blessed the two, with hearts quite different from each other. One like a safe mutual fund and other like a volatile equity.

Back to our situation, you see her. On a numerous such occasion you will have a quick look and then doze off or may be a lightening have already struck you take a sneak peek every 2 min. This is just one phase which happens to boys at some point in their life. Lightening and awestruck. Love at first sight, crush, infatuation or the basic instinct ...whatever it may be, boys are always fast decision maker as if they are living life on edges.

But if the whole drama can be viewed in a different light, you will be amazed with what goes on the scene sometime. Here are few possible scenarios from a third person’s view.

1. She is lost in her own world when you see her first time. May be a treat for eyes for few moments before she realizes that two pair of eyes are constantly staring her. She looks back and you turn around or try to pretend to look outside window.

2. She is talking to someone over a phone call. She is probably using a handsfree. While she talks she might have a cursory glance around her surrounding which include you. At times as she talks, she would flaunt with her hair, probably even curl it 360 degree around her cheek. And if she happens to have a blank look at you while doing this act, you are flattered. It’s not a problem with us. Guys always have half knowledge about girl psychology and take this as a positive signal. Poor guys !

3. This is the third scenario while you may or may not be lucky. It depends a lot on your luck and look on a particular day. In this situation the girl actually finds out you are taking a sneak peek. She might look back at you for two reasons. First, she just wants to ensure if she knows you or you are just some random stranger who is starring her. Second, this is rare case contrary to popular myth – the girl would have no objection on you starring at her. When you look at her, she will pretend that she is not fine but, when you look through corners of your eyes, you will find her checking you out as well. And chances are that she might gossip about this incident with her friends later.

But call it crush or infatuation... guys are like that. We think that we understand girls, just like I thought that I have captured every aspect of their psychology; but I haven’t, no one can. But still it was just a humorous attempt to capture how guys can be fooled around by their own misinterpretation and at times by girls :-)

A kid story

2010-11-11T08:55:00.005+08:00

At 9 Aarushi was not very different from other kids of her age. Mamma’s girl who switches party, when mom is in scolding mood. Born in a middle class family, she was brought up with great care and affection. But in- spite all the regular traits of a pampered kid she was very special. Always centre of attraction, be it home, school or any place she goes with her parents. She would always grab other’s attention as a cute looking girl with twinkle in eyes, dimples on cheek and spontaneous answers.

Being pampered demanded that her wishes get fulfilled with immediate attention. Though at time Mom would get furious on her but for the most part she will get what she want. Her intentionally made innocent look and cute acts would win everyone's heart. But too much love and affection sometime have side effects as well. She was a bit short tempered, if things doesn't go her way. At times when she insist on buying new cloths, becomes difficult for parent to handle her.

Toys were Aayushi’s fascination. All kinds of toys- dolls, train, cars, monkeys. Among all dolls, one sweet little Barbie dressed in pink was her favourite. She and her Barbie were inseparable. She would play with her, eat with her and every night sleep holding her Barbie next to her pillow.

One fine day, on way to school Aayushi saw him. He noticed her too. After that day, she used to find him everyday at the same point near bus stand. One day she didn't see him. She was sad at school and in a bad mood even when returned home. She didn't say a word to anyone and went straight to her room. When she opened the door, she saw him sitting quietly on her bed. She couldn't believe her eye and exclaimed with excitement. She jumped to bed and hugged her sweet strange friend. Her dad who was standing all the while at doorstep was smiling. Aayushi ran to her dad hugged him and said "you are the best dad in whole world".

With Chikoo's arrival, everything was diferent now. "Chikoo", yes - that’s what she named her new friend, a big teady bear which her dad gifted her. Her attention now was divided in between Barbie and Chikoo. And as any kid would have it, time spent with new toy was more in this case too.

Soon Barbie was envious of chikoo. She told aayushi that chikoo is not the correct toy for her. And that she is a girl and should rather play with other dolls. Aayushi listened to her Barbie, but could not leave chikoo. She loved Barbie too and so wanted to make peace between two. But fate had something else as the Barbie didn't quite wanted to share her space in Aayushi's life with chikoo. On the other hand, now Aayushi was bunking school to play with chikoo at home. She will give some health reason to mom and then stay at home. One weekend Aayushi's best friend and other school friend came home to meet her. Before Aayushi could meet them, her friends met Barbie. Barbie who was looking for opportunity, told them that Aayushi's new friend is taking her away from everyone else. None of the friends quite liked this newly found bond. They demanded Aayushi to choose between them and Chikoo.

Alll this drama left Aayushi in deep sadness as chikoo, besides being a soft spoken toy, was a caring friend too. She can never see Aayushi is pain. Probably that was the reason Aayushi got so much affection with him in a short while. Today, at one end it was just chikoo and at other end was Barbie and all friends. After a lot of thinking, Aayushi decided to part way from chikoo as she couldn’t leave all her dolls and friends. Chikoo was sad at this decision but didn't protest as he just wanted Aayushi to be happy. Next morning, Chikoo was dumped in the big trash box outside Aayushi’s home.

After 2 years, one day when Aayushi was shopping in a mall with her mom, she spotted a chikoo look alike teddy. A pretty girl was holding him with affection. They both were looking happy with each other. Aayushi couldn't stop herself and walked towards that girl to enquire. Aayushi asked about the teddy and got to know that girl bought it from a second hand toy shop. It was not as new but was cute enough to pull her attention. And that’s how she met him. Aayushi looked at chikoo with a mixed feeling. While she was happy that chikoo found a new home she was sad because all her friend eventually left her alone one by one. Chikoo looked into Aayushi eys with sadness, yet with affection. As if his eyes were saying Aayushi that life doesn't give a second chance to everyone. The girl moved away and chikoo and Aayushi kept starring each other till they were out of sight.

Moral of the story: Think twice before you choose who your real friends are.

note: old story which I read to my 7 yr old niece quite sometime back, publishing it now. She loves hearing all sorts of stories from me and doesn't leaves me untill I recite/ tell her 2-3 stories daily, whenever I visit home.

Because.... he loved

2010-06-23T21:44:00.009+08:00

Being loved by someone makes you feel special.....while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Courage to stand against all odds....to sacrifice... to love selflessly, and not to complain loosing it, no matter how desperately you want it back.

This is what Aayush was trying to tell himself while still struggling to catch sleep after a tiring day at office. He thought - why he simply can’t rub off all the memories like equations in school board. Why these unsolved questions of life hurt more than teacher’s punishment. And why he can’t forget this as a bad chapter he could not understood. Go to sleep buddy, you have office in the morning. But he lost in memory lane again.

After passing out from engineering college, Aayush got himself totally engrossed in the new job. His life was mechanical; slog in office till late, come back home at night, check mail and sleep – same routine life everyday. He has minimum social interaction now. When friends complain, he would say sorry and hang up. Mom will call sometime and ask about how he is and whether he is eating well or not. Over several weeks he has lost sleep and was having irregular diet. It was when his colleagues started asking if he is not well he realized that he was getting dark circles.

Everyday night, waiting for the sleep goddess, he thinks of college days and tries to delete few sad memories. But tonight, her call after a long time made him restless. He couldn’t sleep at all. Memories of his last day of college came alive. He still remembers when he had asked Ruchi to meet him at college canteen. His batch was celebrating their last lunch and gossip session of college life. While girls were busy filling book, boys were writing (and few colouring) on each other’s shirt. Finally he waved past them and ran out of canteen to meet Ruchi who had just reached there.

He was surprised that Ruchi was wearing suit that day. He always liked her in traditional Indian formals while she liked casual attires. He smiled as he knew it was one last favour and sped up to catch up with her as they move towards bakery. Aayush had to always order ice-creams as Ruchi wanted to have more than one flavour. Though he was not an ice-cream fan, but knowing that she would anyway snatch his also, he happily orders one of her favourite. Today, surprisingly she didn’t order anything and asked Aayush to decide. Aayush ordered one big Sunday with three different flavour and two spoons. They sat down and looked around. It was weird that they couldn’t start a conversation for initial few mins and were just blankly staring the table. Aayush desperately wanted her to say something today he thought ‘common please speak up’. Ruchi looked up in and pushed the ice-cream towards him.

Aayush had already tried to convince her many times. Aayush had decided to not to bring the topic again and was trying to be at his humours best, especially after seeing her sad mood. Suddenly, he saw tears rolling down her eyes. At first he tried to avoid them but she wouldn’t stop. She was not even crying but tears wouldn’t simply stop. Aayush tried to console her but broke out himself after few minutes. Aayush knew she wanted to say a lot of thing but she won’t. The talkative Auyush himself wasn’table to utter a single word. They were all tears and holding each other’s hand for next few mins. It was one of those moments when they both were silent yet talking, through their weeping eyes.

Remembering you !

2010-04-26T01:59:00.002+08:00

Please don’t go, I can’t bear this separation

Wait! Are you really far, or is it just an illusion?

I see pain in you, when you being rude or practical

you may try to hide; I know it wasn’t intentional.

You may pretend that you don’t care anymore

you think, you can fool me, just like your sweet allure?

You may expect otherwise, but I can’t hate you

no matter how hard I try, yes I still miss you.

Though, I hate to love you, everyday and still

is it your affection, or just me against my will.

It hurts when you can’t accept me in your world now

for what we had was bliss, magic, simple yet how.

I am confused, will it make easier if I just lie

should I listen to you, alas I can't let you die.

Why you have such a big heart, don’t you sink

for you love me and tell me not to, and just wink

I know how tougher it makes for you to resist

When you weep inside, pretend and just insist.

Sorry for how weak I am making your resolve

I can’t help it but to let myself dissolve.

This hope is all I have, after your sustained denials

that you may change your mind after several trials.

Please forgive me for I have loved you, but couldn't selflessly

the reason why, I simply can’t let you go easily.

Night long thoughts, your memories, the endless race

Come soon, for I am waiting, Oh my grace!

Random frames of human nature

2010-04-18T23:29:00.003+08:00

A foreword - Please forgive me for my random, unplanned and illogical flow in this post, as the way life is sometimes - hazy, weird and restless. And this is me trying to recall and put together few thoughts, feelings, observations and hard learning.

Life doesn’t treat us same always; while there are spring and autumn, there is dark cold winter too. But then, that’s life. It has its own way of making us realize worth of everything (or everyone) it gives or snatches away from us.

There is nothing complex than a human behavior. Recollecting some random frames I could capture, and an attempt to look at them from a critic point of view.

Glorifying problems: We all crib about our problems. Be it health, job, relationship, situations or wherever we found circumstances not favorable to us. Yes, we are human and we do have our share of problems and issues. Sometimes we brave them, but mostly, we crib. Surprisingly, to human, what becomes more painstaking than the problem itself is, when others don’t pay much attention to our problems? Everyone has problems in life. True, Life is not a path full of roses. Still, human tendency is to glorify pain and suffering as a unique feat just as victories and achievements. We feel getting consoled and healed if get listened to. No, there is nothing wrong in sharing or discussing problems, but it just start getting worse when the intention behind it is to gain sympathy. In due course, we weaken our inner strength and loose the fighting spirit. Quite a common phenomenon it is, however still, human are pretty obsessed with it. And strangely enough, it is like an addiction. Once you are habituated, you really need to get a recharge of extreme will and positive minds – a rare commodity amidst difficult times.

Expectations: Our expectations in every walk of life, a strange human behavior. It’s weird but human mind sometime gets obsessed with it. Most of the time it has a strong base on which it grows. More the expectation, more the anxiety. Though, unlike software versions, any upgradation in real life is non reversible, atleast not acceptable easily. Be it life style and your experience with job, relationships etc. Once you have seen best of these it is difficult to accept the degradation. The culprit here is expectation which sets itself at the uppermost level one achieves in life on every front. To be more elaborative - a good work environment, great friend circle and a loving companion and money off course. We need best of everything and are disappointed if expectations are not met on any front

Relationship: Sometime in movies, couple separates because, lack of effervescence in their relationship. They would show, how after an awesome living, comes a time of cribbing, quarrel, conflicts and most awkwardly silence. It is also true that no matter how much hard you try to put things back together, there would be something lacking. In times like this, even the grey shades starts creeping up - anger, frustration and ego. In situations like these, time seems to be the best healer. Parting a distance works to get closer later.

Response to Change: Strange but how contextual treatment change gets from people. It is never taken in same way always. People might read all sort of motivational books on how one should not get affected by change and adjust fast to it. At the same time anything monotonous seems to kill people, especially in job and day to day life. People mould their likeliness towards it according to need. Hence, while on one hand a trip or long vacation is all one look for to get a change(read break) from routine life, it is not a desirable thing when one is in his/her comfort zone, especially with job, location, friends and food. We don’t accept a change in these things easily and it takes us a long time to adjust.

Though human nature is quite difficult to understand, it’s the most beautiful and intelligent creation of God. We posses these complex behaviors and can still live with them. I am no different from others.

First summer rain

2010-04-01T02:59:00.001+08:00

Seeing the pleasant whether outside I couldn’t deny the possibility of an early rain. I decided to leave office a bit early. Just when I was walking out of security gate, few tiny water drops fell on my cheek. I looked up towards the sky and found dark clouds hovering over. Few more steps and it stared drizzling. I thought, I could be safe only when I board the bus as it would be the air conditioned and hence completely glass shielded. I started running towards the bus stop to catch my bus. Suddenly, a pleasant aroma stuck my nostril and I stopped running. I stood there to recollect this familiar odour and didn’t took me long to recollect that it was the odour of thirsty soil after first few drops of summer rain. I looked around and found people running towards bus stop to get shelter. However, I could walk only in slow motion, mesmerized by that aroma and changing colour of soil as drops grew heavier.

I boarded the bus and hooked from the window seat to watch the probable rain and changing nature closely. Staring outside from that glass window I felt closer to the nature for the first time in this city full of pollution and traffic jams now. My otherwise volatile thoughts evaporated. All I could see was rain, clouds, wet roads and happy people. And the thought became subtle - with idea of getting wet in rain and then spending the evening with someone close.

Below are the thoughts I was sharing the window seat with, on that amazing experience of witnessing first drizzling in summer. Please excuse me for my rhyming :-) I am not good at it.

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

Pleasant aroma of drenched soil

there is eavesdropping on glass window

and music is striking chord within my soul

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

It couldn’t have been a better soothing effect

Dancing tree are expressing their gratitude

and sun is peaking from dark clouds once again

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

You felt like melted crystal from heaven

Is it God’s way of purifying our heart

Or washing away grief and sin.

Oh, drops of first summer rain!

Please become mightier and come again!

Though, drops didn’t grow heavier and it only drizzled, this first sight of rain in summer was enough to cheer up everyone. The rain also inspired me to have forgiveness and to see life in a new and fresh perspective.

moving inches..

2010-03-26T04:28:00.001+08:00

Strange it may sound, but sometime extreme situations in life can have unpredictable effects. You might get numb to adversities or might start drawing strength from them. Though, it’s not a matter of choice most of the time as our situation driven thoughts prevalently mold our state of mind. However, sometime our soul takes the call too, and not based on any kind of impression or random thought, but on pure instinct and the tiny positive light within us.

There were thoughts and experiences, I wanted to capture in ‘meaningful and explicit ways’ (read words) since last few weeks. But my inner conflict and nonchalant mind were incapable of holding onto indifferent thoughts. Not that I was awestruck by this state of mind, but didn’t realized it until I reached its extreme. But then, like stock market, there is a self recovery mode for human soul as well; for me, it luckily was. While I might not able to do justice with the promise I did to myself in this post, I think an attempt sounds better than trying.Thus here I am, moving inches towards the effort due on me.

phir kya hoga uske baad

2010-03-14T01:35:00.004+08:00

Life’s rat race can really leave you wondering about the very purpose of it. One evening, sharing the same sentiments, a close friend and I went for an evening walk to get some fresh air. That’s our boy way of getting relived from a mounting tension or a bad day. In due course of our long chat we both became a little philosophical about the life. Various stages of life or whatever we have done or doing or will be doing and the very purpose behind it. It seemed that we are betraying ourselves with the way we have chosen our directions in life. We realize that our passion is different from our bread and butter, but may be what we curse liabilities or responsibilities for, could have been lack of choices in early stages.

However, monthly package and luxurious life could be an illusion initially, but you can’t keep bribing your soul forever. Sooner or later it just takes few emotionally weak moments to make you realize that what you are doing with your life. Was this you always wanted for yourself? Or does whatever you do makes you happy? Or where does this all ends? It not only about work, but also about fulfilling expectation and obligations throughout our lives. What makes mind volatile is the fact that we don’t even know where it ends? On the same note my friend recalled a Kavita (Hindi poem) we have read in our school days. We couldn’t recall the exact lines but we knew it was very relevant to our situation in life today. I made it a point to search the same old poem. Sharing the same poem in next few lines, which was beautifully written by Balkrishna Rao. In this poem, an anxious boy is asking his mom about life and what it holds for him.

Utsuk ho kar shishu ne puchha,
'Maa, kya hoga uske baad ?'

Ravi se ujjval, shashi se sundar,
nav-kislay dal se komaltar
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad

Pal bhar mukh par smiti rekha
khel gayi phir maa ne dekha
vadhu tumhare ghar aayegi
us vivaah utsav ke baad

Phir nabh se nakshatra manohar
swarg lok se utar utar kar
tere shishu banne ko mere
ghar aayenge uske baad

Mere naye khiloune lekar
chale na jaayein ve apne ghar
chintit ho kar uthha, kintu phir
puchha shishu ne uske baad ?

Ab maa ka jee oob chuka thha
harsh shranti mein doob chuka thha
boli phir mai boodhi ho kar
mar jaoongi uske baad

Ye sun kar bhar aaye lochan
kintu ponchh kar unhein usi kshan
sahaj kautuhal se phir shishu ne puchha,
maa kya hoga uske baad

Kavi ko balak ne sikhlaya
sukh dukh hai pal bhar ki maya
hai anant tatwa ka prashna ye
phir kya hoga uske baad?

One lost soul

2010-02-24T03:15:00.000+08:00

I didn’t have any respite yet; as I walked back to my flat, feeling a potential explosion inside. It was already dark when I left my room for a walk; to get away from my gloomy state I was in that Sunday evening; and in the hope that fresh air might do the trick.

I walked towards the main street with a heavy heart and glum face, hoping that a few more step could help me regain my composure. It was one of those moments when my mind was a silent spectator as I could sense that I absolutely had no thoughts whatsoever. Though, my heart was in a capricious state. While the subconscious me kept walking down the main street, I came to senses by a near miss accident as I was about to be run over by two parallel running cars. For safety, I came off the main street and tried to gather my thoughts.

In next few minutes my mind started functioning and I could make out few reasons for this hibernation i.e. what my status was. I realized that a tensed mind is a far better situation then a lost soul. I knew that I was manipulating human behaviors; anger, frustration and loneliness- yes, these are mounting inside me by every passing day. I couldn’t throw them out, neither could I share. And most of the time it seemed inappropriate or immature to pour this depression to someone else. On top of this, belonging to youth fraternity has its own disadvantage. Self- centered, impatience and materialistic nature - these comes as by product. So by this context I had to suppress my desire and interest too, under the bricks of expectations, responsibility and sacrifice.

Though I was reluctant to listen to this inner selfish me, but somewhere deep down I had sympathy with it too. I was having so much in my heart to say, but nothing but a silence in return. And silence as I have learned to live with; I admit, is a lost companion itself. It just helps in keeping you isolated when you are a depressed soul and an agitated mind. Silence is no remedy. And to me, it is nothing but a speed breaker or a comma which keeps a talk or exchange of words in suspending state. It helps avoiding conflicts but does even worse; it makes one pretend that nothing happened and tries to put a lid on one’s volcanic state of mind. People might say It’s a better then “practically no communication” but what we don’t know is that the silence slowly starts growing inside us and sometime gets bigger than us and our relationships.

Rest …...later…….as I am still learning to live with it, in the hope to fight and win over it.

Farewell

2010-02-19T12:29:00.001+08:00

I woke up today and sensed mixed feelings hovering around me. As I switch gears in my professional life today, waves of nostalgia stirred and then engulfed my mind for few minutes and I lost deep in thoughts. Thoughts - about the place, the people and the time spent together.

I sat down to write my good bye mail to colleagues and in due course realized that every good thing should end to make the experience a memorable one. One should must move on to newer and greater thing in life. And even though no matter how much we resist the change, it’s the only constant thing in life. With these feelings my thought became subtle as I could realize.

To meet n depart is d way of life. But to depart n meet is d hope of life. We meet to create memories, but we depart to preserve it.

And to all such minds who share the same sentiments, here are the words of wisdom:

A farewell is necessary before we meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.

Cheers!

Birthday wishes !

2010-02-04T13:17:00.001+08:00

Like million stars in the sky

I wish the stars in your twinkling eyes be always shining.

Those pictures of you, which speak thousand words

and capture the most dramatic yet cutest expression of yours,

Will remind you of the mischief you used to do, when you turn 60.

And might pause you for a moment to go deep down the memory lane

to make you feel - you are still the same person.

A person whom I have adored since the day I knew

and luckily got a chance to be friend with.

To those dimpled smiles and endless giggles that made you look cuter

To that act of twisting your tongue out

To that sweet voice in which you whisper just after waking up

To all that attitude you shown me at times

To those cute little acts on which I melted like a butter

and to many of those things which I can’t simply describe in words...Cheers!

And here is wishing a very happy Birthday to my favorite star.

Happy Birthday Dear !!!

TAX tips.. exempt on HRA

2010-01-17T03:03:00.000+08:00

Being an IT guy I never really had to know the nuances of finance. But being part of the a modern bachelor community has its own disadvantages.Such as, not knowing how much tax you are paying and how much you can actually get a tax exempt on. This post is an attempt to provide information on managing your financial liabilities better. In next few lines you would know how much of your annual HRA, you can get tax exempt on.

According to the Income Tax Act, the amount of HRA exempt is the least of:

· The actual HRA received during the time an accommodation is rented.

· The amount by which rent expenditure exceeds 1/10 of the total salary amount during same period. So if this amount is let say x , then x=( rent expenditure – 1/10 of total salary ) during same period.

· 40% of the total salary during relevant period.

Here is an example.

Let say a person gets a total salary of 4 lakhs in which 2 lakhs is basic and 1.5 lakhs is HRA. He pays an annual rent of 1.2 lakhs and stays in rented accommodation throughout the year.

In this case, the amount of HRA exempt would be calculated as least of:

· Actual HRA received i.e. 1.5 laks

· x = 1.2 lakhs - (1/10) X 4 lakhs =80,000

· 40% of 4 lakhs =1.6 lakhs

As the least of above is 80,000 only this amount will be exempt from tax. The remaining 70,000 of HRA will be subjected to tax.

Hope this helps.

Bihar ...changing fate.

2010-01-11T04:56:00.000+08:00

It was one of those rare occasions when I watch news channels with both patience and interest. Bihar’s CM Nitish Kumar was chosen for ET leadership award for his effort towards the development of the state since he took over CM’s position. The news showed how the state which lived in darkness since ages, is on the fast track of growth from last 4 years.Today Bihar reports an amazing GDP growth rate of 11%, second only to Gujarat. The state's consistent economy since 2004 has all the indication that Bihar is on the right track.

Two days later I saw a full page special report in a national daily newspaper highlighting Bihar’s success story. The report presented few great facts and figures about the emerging Bihar. Infrastructure growth with a never before pace and effective crime control are among such achievements.

Didn’t know but it was a happy moment for me too. Not that I have equally contributed to this success but for a simple reason that somewhere at the bottom of my heart I felt proud to be a Bihari (a term used to describe a person from Bihar).

It may sound strange for a person having his roots in Bihar and upbringing in a typical Bihari family to say something like “Didn’t know”, but year’s long separation and the image the state portrays outside really never excites the prospects of associating oneself to state, who leaves it for better education or living. There are few who never leave the sense of belongingness, few can’t leave it ever even if they want, and then there are few who get compliments from colleagues and friends for not having a Bihari accent: “You are from Bihar? But you don’t sounds like one.”

My point is, may be all this bad name Bihar had earned in several years and the shame a few people might feel in telling which state they belong to, the face of Bihar is changing. It still has issues like poverty, health service, population density, floods but atleast its on right path and the signs are promising.

Bihar’s success story is indeed a reason to rejoice- as for a state that has lived long under the image of corruption, violence, poverty and backward growth; seeing it progressing at a rapid rate and getting its dues is satisfying feeling.

Chalte chalte

2009-11-15T05:13:00.000+08:00

Life gives us so many moments to laugh….. sometimes on ourselves, sometimes on friends, and at times people we don’t even know. Sharing one such incident happened recently.

Two weeks back, my friend and I went to a liquor shop on Saturday evening to pick some beer. This shop is on the busiest road in my area and is generally very crowded on weekends. The shop has a fashion college in close proximity and is quite natural to find the students hanging out on this road or buying liquor from this shop. So as we reached the shop looking at the huge crowd I choose to wait outside- on bike as I was driving - and asked my friend to bring beer. When returned, he was all smiling shamelessly. I followed suit when I got to know what just happened inside the shop. In his words,

There was so much of rush that he couldn’t reach till counter to place his order. Before him in the queue, there were two pretty girls, mostly from the same fashion college, mulling over wine bottles of different brands. They seemed confused on what to pick. To us seeing girls picking liquor is quite common site but these two just couldn’t decide what they wanted. Then one of them called her boyfriend to seek help about the brand selection. She probably didn’t quite catch the name and handed over the cell to the man at counter and asked “bhaiya, ye cell pe jo maang rahe hai wahi de do hame”. The man took the cell, listened and then returned to the girl with a mischievous smile. He said “wo to kiss maang rahe hai”. With this, all nearby faces turned toward the girl whose face was pink by embarrassment. Though the girls took control of the situation immediately and placed an order, the moment was really hilarious.

We laughed out loud. It was such a funny incident that I couldn’t hold myself to share this. Hope you could imagine what that boyfriend would have got to deal with later.

Saturday afternoon and PRICELESS

2009-11-15T04:31:00.000+08:00

Saturday afternoon…I am at home, had my lunch quite late, then off to my usual 30 min flip through session of TV channels – just to see what to not watch. That’s right; I am one of those people who pick up remote to never settle on a particular channel unless I am really convinced that something worth is there to hold on to; for few minutes or may be few hours sometimes. Bizarre it may sound, but I am not an anxious freak; it’s just a habit or if you can trust on my intuitive logic- “ It’s a constant desire to find the best channel, or in other words to find THE ONE ”. But that’s not the point I wanted to bring up here. Generally, my hunger for a suitable matinee channel ends 30 minutes post lunch as I obey my sleep goddess and follow her without any conflict after that.
However, today was a little different and I got two good movies to watch one after another. A rare treat you can get from your idiot box when it is occasionally permitted to speak. First one was on HBO, a typical “Bourne” action thriller type movie, which I always enjoy; second one, I stopped by accidentally. Accidentally, because HBO and star movies are two of my resting points on remote and it was on none of them. As I was flipping through channels again- right after the first movie, I find this French channel showing a movie with English subtitle. Oh…btw, I haven’t mentioned that I used to watch a lot of movies in different languages with English subtitles. In-fact some of the Korean movies are all time favorite romantic movies and I know their stories have been copied in our Bollywood movies too.
So, intrigued by my instinct and past experience I stayed on this particular French channel. Nevertheless to say I wasn’t disappointed at the end.
The movie name was PRICELESS (released in 2006). The story was about Irène and Jean and their life changing moments in luxury hotels of France. Irène first meets Jean in a hotel where he works as a bartender. When her white-haired sugar daddy falls asleep in their suite the night of her birthday, she steals down to the bar where Jean is napping and mistakes him for a rich playboy. Jean, once awakened, gets instantly smitten tries to pretend the fake identity; they get drunk together and spend a night in the hotel’s conveniently unoccupied royal suite.
Irene later finds out about Jean's reality and dumps him. Jean follows her to apologize, convinces her a lot but she bankrupts him on a shopping spree to take revenge. Just when Jean was to be handed over to police for not able to clear the bills, a wealthy older widow who eyes him in the hotel lobby earlier, rescues him and keeps him as her lover cum assistant.
Eventually Irène realizes that she and Jean are playing the same game - trading sexual favours for gifts. While Irene does it for living, Jean was forced to do this, because of the circumstances Irene created. Jean manages to stay in same hotel where Irene is staying. Irene sees him. This makes Irene feel happy that Jean too is in the same condition.
While Irene was materialistic by choice, Jean was doing all of it just to have few moments with her, In the hope that one day she will forgive him and would love him. Instead of what turn life has taken after meeting Irene, Jean’s only motive was to see her happy. At last Irene realizes what she wants is a prince by heart, not by wealth. Jean's selfish and pure love wins her over.
Though romantic, it was a bit different from usual Hollywood romantic genre movies. The script was quite unique and bold. Probably, that’s the reason it is rated PG-13. I was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but hanged in for a while and loved it. To sum it up- a romantic movie with effervescence, new and experimental storyline, near real portrayal of the extravagant lifestyles in plush hotels of France and good performances.

Nirvana of thoughts

2009-11-07T07:51:00.000+08:00

"Nothing good happens after 2 am". This was the theme for an episode of one of my favourite(recent) television show HIMYM(How I met your mother). Where all the events in that particular episode were giving a clear indication that nothing can go right after 2 am and that you should be better off to bed by this time to avoid letting something bad happen to you.

Well … practically it makes sense. Firstly it’s not safe to hangout till late. Secondly, the fear of reaching office late next day, plus it’s against the human biological clock….and lastly, most of the times you end up fighting with your girlfriend. But there is another side of it as well.

Recently I went to Hyderabad to meet one of my friends. I really enjoyed the journey and the stay for the kind of a different experience this trip gave me that I have been thinking of writing a travelogue on it. Weeks passed by, yet I haven’t materialized my plan. A major hindrance has been patience (a rare commodity in our generation) to recollect the memories and jot them down. Then the lack of will - to stay technically alive after 1 am to write something sensible when your body is in sustained denial state. I believe, like every comfort phase of life - this is the time which really takes you in a different world. Try winning the game of fighting with your physical barriers sometime, and you will see what you have explored. And trust me, most of the time we do clear this transition physically when we are watching a late night movie or gossiping with friends etc…but we actually send our intellect into hibernation way before that.

Now on the other side, when you thinking or pondering about something seriously and you reach a stage when you , yourself don’t realize where you have reached, you just tend to leave your preoccupied thoughts and a sudden flow of new thoughts starts crossing over your mind with fast pace.

Now there are no hard and fast rules that these thoughts will be only good but you gotta catch them. They will be pepping in for a few split seconds, knock your very conscious mind and make you run after so many of them. But there is one thing which is quite true…if you could hold on to atleast one of them, and just follow your instinct, you will thank yourself next day for feeding your intellectual self. It would be like nirvana of thoughts where there is no limit of creativity or weirdness. You might not be able to justify it to others but wouldn’t want that either. When you know what you experienced is something can’t be described in word but rather be left to self exploration, you wouldn’t bother explaining it all.

Take for instance, I thought of writing the travelogue today, sat down, but again started worrying about problems I have in life these days. Kept thinking for long and once I traversed past my comfort zone I really saw a lot of positive lights, a lot new ideas, and creative thoughts… weird, strange thoughts. But I am also impressed, more from the fact that it gave me enough patience to write about these weird thoughts, which, I myself, might not have patience to just read in day light…..forget about writing, and that too, when I am fully aware that my aim tonight was to finish my travelogue. But, I would write that just at any other time when I don’t have the luxury of being in a nirvana of thoughts.

Signing off….Amit @ 5:05 am.

Dil, dosti etc.@midnight

2009-09-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

After my first interaction with “Quarter life crisis” (read here ), I accidentally read few more articles on it in newspapers. At first, I thought I am being conscious about it but, later came to realization that it’s just the enlightened me who now finds it more realistic and an interesting read.
        My intention in this post is not to elaborate my readings on Quarter life crisis, but to share a recent facet I noticed in context with few of its main catalysts and time when they become active .…………read on!
I used to blame emotional instability one of prime reason for Quarter life crisis, which indeed, it still is, but my perception has taken a whole new dimension in light of few real life examples. Above all, I wonder if our emotional quotient increases at midnight or it’s the darkness or emptiness of night which gives us courage to speak our heart out.
             “Life is boring without girlfriend/boyfriend”, I heard this monotonic line from a lot of friends (mainly its boys who says this, trust me folks - girls have lot more choices). A majority of them think- having company of an opposite sex in your life is the only way out from depression. I felt this quite convincing and compulsive a reason to start believing until few behavioural examples broadened my thinking and stopped me to jump into any premature conclusions.
First one, a friend calling @ 12 am. She had a huge fight with her boy friend that evening and is upset. You are the one she will call and would like to get listen and get consoled. No one else at this time can fill in for you. Not only when fought, even if she is depressed or not in good mood; you wonder what is it that makes her feels you will have answers for all her worries (and foul cry at times ). You become an emotional pillar on many such instances when she wakes you up at midnight.
               Another one, an old friend staying with her girl friend in live-in relationship calls you up @ 2 am and says he is missing you a lot. You equally cherish his friendship and can be nostalgic about good old times, but wait a min – you know he lives in same city and just a call away. So what is this guy really doing at this hour? As you suspected , turned out- the guys is boozing and finds you more appropriate to share his worries and craps till wee hours in the morning.
             Take examples of a school friend, who had been into a perfect relationship for long time but got betrayed. He gets emotional at times and calls at night to just talk and share his heart-burn. The same guy will hang-out with you tomorrow, screaming at top of his voice on any party number. Not because he is not the same guy but because his emotional quotient isn’t that high this time.
                             I am no different here. At times, I get lost into memories- of good times … college life, night outs with friends and hang outs with lady luck. But, I do realize that emotional instability can’t be attributed to one single reason. Human nature is very unpredictable and so is our heart, when it long for emotional stability to compensate for any void created due to past memories or any unfulfilled dreams or hopes. Though, now I know that, the factors that trigger sense of emotional instability are different for every person at different point of time but, I really wonder … what prevails our thoughts and why.....and above all- why @ midnight?

Liberal smiles and We the People

2009-07-22T14:25:00.000+08:00

Few days back, I went out for dinner on a Sunday evening along with my roomy and a lady friend. We didn’t had reservation at the restaurant at it was finalized at the last moment. Quite predictable it was, we had to wait outside just like so many other folks (guys n gals) waiting for a table. While a surrounding with girls always prompt my lady friend to ask me to pick one, I wasn’t in mood to be teased easily. I gave a cursory glance around and expressed my disapproval, not because I didn’t like any, but simply because I didn’t wanted to be an easy target for the next 15 minutes.“How about guys? They look cool”, my friend said. Now this was not expected. Both my roomy and I was amazed at her wittiness. Managing the sudden awkwardness thrown at us, we looked at guys, turned towards her and said “On an unbiased opinion, YES! They are far better than the girls they are standing with.” On this all of us laughed out loud. The next few minutes our smiles were revolving around scenes from movie Dostana and life after 377. There was a moment towards the end of that long gossip when I blinked and realized our generation is really getting liberal.

Now this conclusion was not drawn until my next few observations.
Take the first one – my office cab. I share a valuable 2 hours daily in cab with my colleagues, of which a few are also usual acquaintance on tea breaks. Now, one of the guys in cab is always late and makes us wait atleast 5-10 minutes. Because of the good rapport our cab mates share we never told him anything rude or harsh but always used to tell him to be punctual from next time. Recently, a cab mate got irritated from him and asked if he is doing some extra work at home. The response he gave was that he sleeps late and gets so tired that can’t wake early. On this question the chorus blame was on his character and an accusation of being gay. However, the sudden twist in the tale didn’t deter this guy’s to be less witty and he was equally sportive in entertaining the accusation.

2^nd one: Two junior male colleagues who often found roaming together in shopping malls, starring at hot chicks are latest victim of 377. In their circle, female friends feed their hunger for laughter by mentioning about these inseparable entities.

Just years back, talking about homosexuality in public was an offense. Now it’s one of the topics to pull legs in friend circle just like crushes and affairs. We are confident about our identity and don’t bother to be pointed as a gay or lesbians in sarcastic gossips among friends. Not to mention, article 377 has suddenly made it more open a topic of discussion among every class of society. Be it social talk shows, print media, colleagues in cubicles or cab and friend circles. Gossiping about homosexuality is the latest addition in humour genre.

At times amid all the chaos in my cab I think: This is true liberalization of thoughts, where a serious topic like this gives a reason to people to smile. No one takes offense in getting pulled into any accusation whatsoever. We cut jokes, we pull legs, and we laugh madly. We the people, have really come off age.

Es raat ki subah nahi - II

2009-06-28T17:07:00.000+08:00

Catch the first part here

After the initial hiccups they reached Mukul’s home where Mukul in his trademark style was pretending to hold an anguish face for them. They met him, and as decided, shown some respect to his anger for self defense. They were happy that they reached before shailendra and now he is the one who will be the “torch bearer”. They waited for Mukul in porch, just then Shailendra called for status update while he was on way. They asked him to hurry up. Mukul appeared in groom’s dress and joined the gang who by the time was ready with their arsenals to bless him. Once he was standing with the gang they all were having a gala time with the divine leg pulling session. Shalindra joined in the meantime and finished his quota of divinity. It was time for Baraat to leave Mukul’s place and to reach the point from where it was supposed to march ahead.
Our heroes somehow got a car and bumped-in, trying hard to manage their ass inside it. Thankfully this ride wasn’t long enough to intensify their pain; but they ran for fag as soon as the car dropped them at the destination. They got charged up with masala coke and “the mrit sanjeevani” (cigarette) and joined Baraat for which they were supposed to be the show stopper.

And they didn’t disappoint either; right from bhangra to old classics, and then break dance to “snake dance” they danced on every form and on every song the band played. Seeing their extreme enthusiasm and strange wildness no one had a doubt that they were not drunk. They danced and danced till last breath of energy during that short while which was merely 200 meter away from the point where baraat stated. It took around an hour to cover the stretch and Baraat approached its destination; and like sunlight fading at dusk our heros disappered. Leveraging this known opportunity they went in a corner away from sight of junta to have their mrit sanjeevani again.
All this while there was one common friend missing which they all have promised to meet soon. They appeared in baarat again which was being greeted. They discussed the possibility of meeting this common friend asap. Few of them wanted to invite this common friend in baraat as well but there was a lack of consensus. But now they all wanted to celebrate Mukul’s wedding in a grand way with this friend. So they all left the wedding for a local plash hotel which was decided as the venue to celebrate. They set down on hotel’s bar (if you are still guessing…yes Daru was their common friend), ordered and then toasted for Mukul and his marriage. As tonight Mukul was priority, they ordered only 2-3 drinks after that and then decided to leave. Another sutta session and then our boys, who were in elegant attires, were waving to autos standing in front of that plash hotel.

to be continued....

Quarter life crisis

2009-06-28T16:56:00.000+08:00

God… I am so hungry and can’t wait to get home…that was the thought I was having ..when I left office that day….a usual routine for me….reached home late and rang the bell…suddenly realized…oh its me alone in flat tonight as my flatmate left for a trip. ahh..I hate to use my keys…anyway first thing I did was to throw my shoes, got in my shorts and ran to kitchen to check what is there to eat today. Finding nothing great in food I switched TV on as if it would spice up my food and started changing channels. Finally I landed to a channel which was showing a strange movie. I changed channel and moved on to MTV to watch its late night shows (generally roadies or spltivilla) but don’t know if it was curiosity or something, I swept back to the same movie. The movie which seemed like a thriller turned out to be a phscho one with a homicide maniac killing innocent tourist brutally who gets trapped in a deserted area with no sight of any population. Hoping to see the escape of main cast, I watched it till end but, to my disappointment, it turned out to be a killing spree without a single escape.
Notheless to say I had screwed my sleep and mood too. I picked up the daily news paper which I generally get to read at night. After gazing through a few pages my eyes halted on an article. Here is what I read in next few lines.

At 26, Aashish had a well paying job a middle range car and a good apartment on rent he could mange easily. Yet he was not happy, had a feeling of emptiness inside and self-doubt. At times, he simply wanted to give it all up and go back to his college days. It was quarter life crisis, according to doctor.

and I thoughts...there are hundreds of such youngsters-alone, insecure,stressed, nostalgic and frustrated with their routine life, work and relationships. Just when I was lost in thoughts, a friend called. She was feeling low and depressed, and was having a close encounter with nostalgia for old times spent together. And a generally candid and joly me became nostalgic, which, later on turned to sadness once she dropped the phone off after sharing her feeling. Oh its 1’o clock ...lets hit bed and get some sleep before maid wake me up in the morning just when you are in deepest sleep, I murmured. But tonight was different, as soon as I laid on bed a tide of thoughts hit me hard and then it didn’t seems to stop. I don’t know where they all came from at this time of night but I couldn’t do anything to stop or suppress them. The tide swept me along and took me down the memory lane. I started seeing a few events in past with my closed eyes.
The thoughts were so strong but still there wasn’t any single event or thought which I could hold long enough to ponder over or to draw some conclusion as to why or where my turbulent mind… or shall I rather say heart , want to take me along. I tried hard to shut the door for this sea of thoughts, but even my closed eyes were acting as a catalyst to get submerged in them. I knew this feeling, as I have heard about this from few friends who have had quite a few sleepless nights. But hey wait….I am not in love….not atleast now….then what is this…is this the “Qurter life crisis” which everyone in some point of their bachelor life goes through or is it just me? Let’s just think about myself as I am not too sure about others.
The chain of thought begins with few beautiful moments post college life and then traversed back tro and fro in random order. All these while I was still struggling with my chalant mind to not to think anything further and to concentrate on sleeping…you heard it right…I know you don’t do that often…we never have to try to sleep as its one of those few natural things human beings are gifted to keep forever…and specially not when you leave office after being drenched and exhausted...but, today it seemed to be drifting away from me. The harder I tried, tougher it got. I never felt this helpless for my will and had to surrender to my thoughts or should I say something I don’t know.
I felt so unsecured and thought of calling someone whom I can talk for few minutes to divert my attention from my current state so that I can resume my subconscious state…yes I said it right…I didn’t wanted be conscious at this time and wanted to rest in thoughtless state. I picked my cell and started rolling over numbers....its was past 1:40 am and was difficult to find any family member or friend. This made me feel more helpless and for a split second my inner self appeared (like one of those in movies) and asked me…dude what are you doing? You are not this week that you need other’s words to get some sleep…just get your acts together and keep all these wild thoughts at bay, if you can’t torment them.
This self resort seems like a rescuer for just few seconds as the prevailing thoughts suppressed it in no times. Now to my surprise a few of my senses were still alive which prompted me to think about the reason of this tsunami within myself. Was it a “feeling blue factor” for something or is it a by product of some mirage I am after to. Finally, I called one of the best friend, whom I can call any time day-night, and explained my situation, hoping to get a way out of this trauma. He told me to pour my heart out and jot down my thoughts. He has been asking me to write since a long time but couldn’t get anything out of this lazy chap….oh that’s me!!! But this time I nodded and turned my laptop on. I don’t know what was going on inside but I decided I will write.
Pondered over a few minutes, on what to write? At this point I realized, something has not only taken control over my mind but my thinking as well. These invincible thoughts will not let me choose what I wanted to, not atleast in my conscious state. But that’s the whole point. I wanted to get into unconscious state… I wanted to sleep or atleast, write something or do something but want to get away with these thoughts.
My roomie was looking at me angrily.
Roomie: “where were you? I have been ringing bell for past 10 mins. Gave you several calls but you didn’t pick-up.”
Me: “was sleeping yar, sorry!”
Roomie: “Your sleep resemble that of kumbhkarna…( giggles ). And why are you sleeping in hall among mosquitos with Televison on , and on this paper? “

I realized, I slept on the paper with the same article page open. I tried to remember what happened at night. What a weird dream, I thought, a bit scared too.

I said : “ nothing yar, just a quarter life crisis.”

Es raat ki subhah nahi

2009-03-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

"Gaadi Roko" Amit was shouting at top of his voice. Sandeep went a step ahead and stood in the middle of road to grab attention on any passing by vehicle. This otherwise plash and busy road was never unfriendly or unknown; atleast to Shailendra and Amit as this was their home town, but then it was 2:00 am in a cold December night. Rishabh lit up a cigarette while obliging the road divider; Shailendra asked Sandeep to stop the heroic which according to him could lead to an unpleasant sight. With the last fag an auto appears from the other side of road and they all waved together at their rescuer.
With a sigh of relief they jumped inside the auto and asked the driver to take them to any hotel where they can get a room for the night. As the driver pulled the kick they all felt the thump of engine and one just kicked inside, but decided to glue to the silence of night.
Oh yes…if you wondering who these people are… let me introduce the characters: Shailendra, Amit, Rishabh and Sandeep. Shailendra and Amit were locals while Sandeep was from nearby town. Rishabh was having his first encounter with the city which he wouldn’t count among good ones. They all reached this city for their friend Mukul’s wedding.
Flashback…..
“Where are you guys….when are you reaching…why the hell you guys came here if you are not with me” Mukul was shouting on the poor Rishabh who happened to pick up the call. “We are waiting for Amit, he is taking bath” was Rishabh’s quick reply - this was one of the moment where Rishabh’s spontaneity came handy. Anyway after a while Amit appeared with food (to show that he didn’t took all this time in bath) and got the unhappy note Mukul left for all. He called Shailendra and asked to pre-pone the time they were scheduled to meet. Sandeep had earlier suggested meeting at CCD and then to join Baraat from there instead of going to Mukul’s place which, seemed a nice idea to all. So after Mukul’s alarming call they decided to reach Mukul’s place at earliest and informed Shailendra their revised plan.

To be continued.......

Brave new world

2006-10-19T13:11:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered why college life is so beautiful and ever unforgettable ? Truth lies in its effervescence which revives the great time whenever we recall those days. Time moves on and so does we, to achieve what those twinkle eyes had been dreaming of since college days,to do something different or rather do things differently; and a zeal to succeed the journey of dreams begins.
Now comes a world where we are so much occupied with our work, the rat race and all those rules and mechanical lifestyle we live with. We explore new things , sees the world , knows people from diverse fields and does a lot of stuffs. We make friends , we forget few, few becomes friend- forever, we take risk, we stand for something, for someone. We face challenges and lives for our dream. In college each of these feelings were so different; Whatever we did, we used to do it straight from the heart. There was no professionalism in friendship, no formality in having lunch together, no hassle to get back to your room at night, no worry of a fixed amount getting credited in your account monthly, no fear of getting your name pulled up with a classmate, no fear in eating in those roadside hawkers which now doesn't seems hyginic, no fear of project getting due till last week.

However, all this said and done, at times I think college days were shielded by a feel of comfort and carelessness, far away from the ground reality, which one realizes once they are over it. Though one always miss those days and becomes nostalgic about old time. May be because, we had nothing to worry about, no rat race and moreover no responsibility - even toward ourselves. But what we learn outside college is the courage and belief to achieve. We take strengths and mantle from our achievements and aspire to overcome all hurdles and carry on the journey with the same enthusiasm.

The End.

...an old post which I wrote long time ago, after college days.....